Long time, a lot of insights

Let's just say I've learned a lot over the past few months and I'm continuing to learn a lot.

But the one thing that I want to talk about is my fears. I won't tell you what they are-- of course growing old is one I'll share. But I've been studying and researching a lot about depression (I'm planning on going into School Psychology) and I've come to a lot of realizations.

I was talking with my mom the other day about how Satan gets people. You know we say he gets you and then he forgets about you. Well, it's true. He tempts you to smoke that first cigarette, or drink that first beer, and then once he has you addicted and trapped, he forgets about you.

The same goes for people with depression. Because it is a mental disorder and does in fact have to do with brain chemistry it has a lot of complex factors that play into it. But I do honestly believe the Adversary can play in on our depression symptoms. Whether we've been clinically diagnosed or are depressed from having bad grades.

Depression is like a cycle. When you feel stressed about something your mind tends to develop a lot of anxiety. When anxiety levels are too high, your body gets tired of dealing with exhaustion and pain and decides to go in shut down mode (AKA depression). You become lethargic, you appetite goes crazy, you don't want to do anything fun, and you sit on your couch or in your bed all day doing nothing but wallowing in your despair. Trust me, I've known people and family members who have dealt with depression, it's rough and I'm not downplaying it one bit. But this is critical for you to understand that I believe (MY OPINION HERE) that when we first start to become anti-social and withdrawn we are believing the lies that the adversary tells us. You get a bad grade on a test, you think, I suck at life. You are overweight and people make fun of you in elementary and middle school, you call home so you don't have to see the bullies anymore and you hold back tears because you have to be strong. One of your parents dies and you have no idea how to cope with it and your mind doesn't grasp how this will affect your future. Look at all of the chances that the adversary has to tell you, "You will fail at life" "You will amount to nothing" "You should just die" "It would be better for you to leave the Earth since you are such a burden". Do you understand what I'm saying?

When we first believe the lies, he's almost got us. We need to recognize those thoughts for what they are, lies, and then go get HELP! Because if we believe them he'll get us for sure. We become weaker, more vulnerable, less likely to go to the doctor. You don't see that there is any other hope for treatment. You don't believe doctors can help you or that medicine can help you. You just want to lay there all day long and cry. Well, GET UP! GO GET HELP and GET UP.

This life is meant to be enjoyed and to teach us something. I don't like the word "Endure". To me it has a negative ring to it. Like "Endure the pain" or "Endurance in a race". It just sounds like you are telling me, the 5k will be painful but build up your endurance and you'll do fine. I just focus on the bad things when I hear the word. I would like to say.... Enjoy to the End. Yes, "Enjoy to the End". Enjoy every bit of life, the good that makes you happy. The bad that brings you sorrow and brings you closer to Christ.

I'm so thankful for the Gospel in my life that provides the true reassurance that I have a Divine Destiny. My Father is Heavenly Father who holds all power in the Universe! If I only knew my capabilities I would laugh at my weaknesses. But I'm a mortal. When I feel down on myself and when I feel like I can't keep going, I'm glad that I have my testimony there for me to tell me to keep going. That Jesus Christ has suffered for me and that I must live for Him. Without the Gospel I might not have had the strength to go get help when I needed it. But the Holy Ghost knows all things and He is what whispered to me the day that I decided I could do better than what I was doing.

Guys, I'm not perfect and I'm not going to hide behind a mask of perfection or happiness every day of my life. I struggle with things and I know you do too. Own up to them and get the help that you need. No matter what it is, there is always help.