If I could write a poem...

Well if I told you what was on my mind, my inner thoughts would be known by everyone and I don't want that to get out. But if I could write a poem to tell you my thoughts, I would. But.... I won't. Sorry to let you down.

My thoughts now aren't hate or anger like two blogs ago.. I'm over that and learned that the time to be in that situation is almost over. This time it's thoughts of confusion, doubt, nervousness, and I-don't-know-what's-up-with-it feelings. You know sometimes you want something and then the next second you don't? You think you have something wrapped around your finger and then you hear something else and it makes you think different? Well I don't have anything wrapped around my finger but it's something like that I guess.

Today was a good day though. I love hearing President Monson speak. Every time I do I can feel the love coming from our Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father loves us and through his infinite wisdom and kindness he has given us a Prophet to guide us in these days so we can hear his voice. Some of the things President Monson said that stuck out to me were it's a time of Preparation. Academic Preparation, Spiritual Preparation.. The world now is so competitive almost everyone has to have a degree in order to get a job or a back up plan in case something goes wrong. We also have to prepare ourselves Spiritually. The time will come when we have to defend what we know is right. We have to know which side we are on, the Lord's or Satan's. Do we go with the world or with the righteous. I've had the scripture, "Be ye an example of the believers" stuck in my head for a while. Everyone watches us in the world whether we know it or not. During high school I didn't want to come out and say "I'm Mormon and this is what I believe and this is what I do..." I think sometimes it's better not to say things at school because so many people have different views it could cause contention and that is not the thing that you want to happen. I had people ask me if I was going to get my own planet or if I believed in polygamy and I would say no... no... It got so bad I thought about taking it to a teacher.. But I just learned to suck it up and deal with people who had been misinformed by their preachers or what not. I am so glad that I grew up where I did. I think that living in an area where there aren't a lot of members of the Church helps you to gain a testimony and learn to stand your ground when faced with opposition.

There are a lot of things I need to work on to better myself this year. Scripture study, personal prayer, kinder thoughts... I can't do it alone, I need someone's help that is greater than my own. That is where the Savior comes in. He can help us become something so much greater and stronger than we could have ever imagined. I love him and I can't say it enough. He has given me so much hope, so much strength and I will always be in debt to Him.

Well I guess I better go to bed. I think I'm getting up in the morning to read instead of doing it this late at night. I'll talk to y'all later!

-Jessica