One Thing I have Learned.

You can't change anyone. When I was in high school I used to look around and see all of these things people did that bothered me. Especially with teenagers my own age who were members, I always wondered why they did certain things when they knew the Church didn't agree with them. I'd come home from a Wednesday night activity and tell my Mom what I'd heard or seen and asked her why they were doing that when they knew it wasn't right. Her response was, they each have their agency.
Sometimes, that's a hard thing to learn. When you want to change someone because you want them to experience life at its fullest with the utmost happiness that you think you enjoy. When you see a friend who is struggling to find her identity you want to talk to her about religion and how Heavenly Father loves her and what He expects of her. Let me tell you, sometimes those approaches are not what is needed. I've learned that teenagers and young adults want their freedom. There is some kind of struggle going on within them where they are trying to figure out who they really are. If they want to go with the crowd or be their own leader. I've been there, maybe not to the extent as others have, but I've been there. I've sat around with friends who weren't the best examples and didn't always make me feel my best. I've dressed to fit in with the crowd. And those things made me feel happy for just a short time (even though my shoes that I have bought since high school are still the best out there).
Learning that other people have their agency is something that I've grown to appreciate and love. For one, because you can see individuals make their own choices regardless of what you have said to them. Knowing that somehow you have made a difference by being an example or lending an ear and then they have changed their attitude for the better is an amazing feeling. I have had family members and friends who have struggled with which school to go to. They had their own decision to make, pools of schools to select from, applications sent in, and then they ask opinions from other people. So when I give my two cents I don't know the impact I will have, but I hope that whatever choice they make is for their good. I have never forced someone into making a choice. Another thing I love about the principle of accountability and agency is that as long as I know I did my part by being an example or telling someone about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I know I've done all I can. Then I leave the rest to the Lord and go about my life. We can't live our lives worrying about something that we can't change. Especially when it doesn't even have to do with us!
I admit, having family members who have gone astray or who are living on the gray line of abiding by Church principles is kind of scary. I worry for them and I hope that one day they will turn around and see the way they are living their lives is not working out for them the way they think it is. I don't think I've ever been completely happy when I'm not following God's commandments. And as much as I want to sit down and tell a family member their dress is immodest, their language is explicit, their attitude toward others is shameful, I don't do it. It's not my place and I can't change them. That would make them harbor ill feelings toward me for "telling them what to do". So I just pray that whatever goes on between them and the Lord is what will solve their problem and one day their heart will be softened.
Above all else, I've learned I'm not God. I don't have the power to change hearts like the Savior can. I can lead you toward that goal but I can't change your mind. I can influence you but I never talk to someone expecting them to change forever, that is a product of the conversation I hope for but it's not intended. I've learned that we need to show love to each other. And love, that Charity which is the pure love of Christ can make all the difference.