Being Honest

I've never really wrote a post like this but I feel like I need to write it.
I am seriously having the hardest time right now. It seems like everything I do, there is an opposing force acting against it. I feel happy, two seconds later, I'll feel sad. I try to be excited about something and then a negative thought comes into my head that drowns all of that excitement and happiness away. I don't concentrate well in school, I constantly think about how much better I would be if I just went home. I cry all the time and I feel like my smile is fake.
BUT I know where those thoughts come from. I know who devises those schemes and who tries to thwart the plans that Heavenly Father has for me. If I went home, my calling would not get done and whatever I am supposed to achieve while here, would not get accomplished. If I went home, I would be thousands of dollars in the hole, without a job, being bored out of my mind, not taking advantage of my BYU Experience.
And through all of this, my Mother has been the only person that I can rely on. And just thinking about it right now, makes me want to cry. And in fact, I am, in the Family History Library... GREAT. See, so unlike me right? I don't know if it's because I worked myself too hard last semester and I'm emotionally drained as well as having to deal with other things... but whatever it is, I would like for the old Jessica's mind to come back. I would like to live without worrying and do my job with full focus. I would like to look forward to things with a smile and happiness. I would like to overcome and I can with Heavenly Father's help. He trusts me and knows what I can accomplish as do "others". So as I tell myself to persevere and overcome, I hope you will too.