INVICTUS

What I want to Change

2012-02-01T00:17:00.001-08:00

I was reading an article in the Ensign tonight that was about how social networking sites and digital technologies impact our lives.

I often express my opinion that I think technology makes society lazy. We want to push a button to start the car instead of manually putting the key in the door. We want to write e-mails instead of hand writing thoughtful cards. We want to pre-order food and have it delivered... sometimes I think technology makes life a little too relaxed.

I am the type that would rather turn the pages of a book than flick the screen. I like writing in my journal more than typing this blog. It's more human to me. I believe God has given us hands, eyes, ears, feet, legs, and all other appendages so we could work. Yes, there is time to relax and use digital technology, I watch Netflix quite often. But it's the reasons behind why we use the technology that matter.

I use Facebook as an escape from homework, a way to spy on other people, a way to look at people's pictures, interact with friends, etc. I use my cell phone to check e-mails and send text messages. I hate it when I am talking to someone and they ignore what I'm saying because they are texting. I don't like talking to my phone more than I do to people.

I'm not a predictor of the future, but what if there is no internet one day? What if e-mails don't matter and what really matters are the people around you and the skills that you have? You have to communicate to build a shelter, or to start a fire. No app will start a fire for you. That is why I'm not reliant on technology. I understand that if something major in the world happened I would need to be able to use my knowledge to survive.

I realized while I was reading this article that I don't want my kids to grow up addicted to technology. There are so many more things in the world they can do. Play outside, build a fort, climb a tree, chase butterflies, plant a seed, read a good book, sing songs, play board games. What really matters in life is the relationships that we form. How we show our love to people and how we show that we love the Lord. But I can't expect my kids to moderate their technology usage if I can't moderate mine. So I want to learn how to only use the internet when needed, to watch television only when needed and not to use the technologies as means of escape. Instead, I'll read a book or look at a song, or study. I've got to make it a habit and a way of life for myself first before I can expect anyone to follow me.

Long time, a lot of insights

2011-12-22T21:42:00.000-08:00

Let's just say I've learned a lot over the past few months and I'm continuing to learn a lot.

But the one thing that I want to talk about is my fears. I won't tell you what they are-- of course growing old is one I'll share. But I've been studying and researching a lot about depression (I'm planning on going into School Psychology) and I've come to a lot of realizations.

I was talking with my mom the other day about how Satan gets people. You know we say he gets you and then he forgets about you. Well, it's true. He tempts you to smoke that first cigarette, or drink that first beer, and then once he has you addicted and trapped, he forgets about you.

The same goes for people with depression. Because it is a mental disorder and does in fact have to do with brain chemistry it has a lot of complex factors that play into it. But I do honestly believe the Adversary can play in on our depression symptoms. Whether we've been clinically diagnosed or are depressed from having bad grades.

Depression is like a cycle. When you feel stressed about something your mind tends to develop a lot of anxiety. When anxiety levels are too high, your body gets tired of dealing with exhaustion and pain and decides to go in shut down mode (AKA depression). You become lethargic, you appetite goes crazy, you don't want to do anything fun, and you sit on your couch or in your bed all day doing nothing but wallowing in your despair. Trust me, I've known people and family members who have dealt with depression, it's rough and I'm not downplaying it one bit. But this is critical for you to understand that I believe (MY OPINION HERE) that when we first start to become anti-social and withdrawn we are believing the lies that the adversary tells us. You get a bad grade on a test, you think, I suck at life. You are overweight and people make fun of you in elementary and middle school, you call home so you don't have to see the bullies anymore and you hold back tears because you have to be strong. One of your parents dies and you have no idea how to cope with it and your mind doesn't grasp how this will affect your future. Look at all of the chances that the adversary has to tell you, "You will fail at life" "You will amount to nothing" "You should just die" "It would be better for you to leave the Earth since you are such a burden". Do you understand what I'm saying?

When we first believe the lies, he's almost got us. We need to recognize those thoughts for what they are, lies, and then go get HELP! Because if we believe them he'll get us for sure. We become weaker, more vulnerable, less likely to go to the doctor. You don't see that there is any other hope for treatment. You don't believe doctors can help you or that medicine can help you. You just want to lay there all day long and cry. Well, GET UP! GO GET HELP and GET UP.

This life is meant to be enjoyed and to teach us something. I don't like the word "Endure". To me it has a negative ring to it. Like "Endure the pain" or "Endurance in a race". It just sounds like you are telling me, the 5k will be painful but build up your endurance and you'll do fine. I just focus on the bad things when I hear the word. I would like to say.... Enjoy to the End. Yes, "Enjoy to the End". Enjoy every bit of life, the good that makes you happy. The bad that brings you sorrow and brings you closer to Christ.

I'm so thankful for the Gospel in my life that provides the true reassurance that I have a Divine Destiny. My Father is Heavenly Father who holds all power in the Universe! If I only knew my capabilities I would laugh at my weaknesses. But I'm a mortal. When I feel down on myself and when I feel like I can't keep going, I'm glad that I have my testimony there for me to tell me to keep going. That Jesus Christ has suffered for me and that I must live for Him. Without the Gospel I might not have had the strength to go get help when I needed it. But the Holy Ghost knows all things and He is what whispered to me the day that I decided I could do better than what I was doing.

Guys, I'm not perfect and I'm not going to hide behind a mask of perfection or happiness every day of my life. I struggle with things and I know you do too. Own up to them and get the help that you need. No matter what it is, there is always help.

My prayer.

2011-11-03T23:07:00.000-07:00

Help me be able to deal with people:

Who aren't confident with themselves.

Who don't understand the ins and outs of college and add/drop deadlines.

Who don't understand that it is okay to talk in your normal voice and not have a "valley girl" sound.

Who don't understand that to be courteous is wonderful in a small apartment with thin walls.

Who don't understand that there is more to life than boy drama.

Who don't understand that all nighters are not a necessity in college and can be avoided.

Who don't understand that there is no reason to be stressed out if you will prioritize your time.

Who don't understand that you need to get focused in college to prepare for life.

And help me to understand:

That I need to be an example.

That I need to learn patience.

That I need to learn that other people really don't know who they are.

That I need to learn that some people are just Freshmen.

That I need to learn that some people will make me irritated but I need to find a way to cope with it.

That I need to learn that Heavenly Father loves all of His children.

That I need to learn that this too shall pass.

Sunday

2011-10-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of being focused on myself. Actually so tired that I think I might give up caring about myself ALL the time and focus on others instead.

Over the past couple of weeks I've had the feeling that I need to focus more on serving others because it makes me feel better and it helps me to know who I am. Interesting how a lot of the talks today at Ward Conference were centered on service. It's such an important part of this Earth life. Whenever I take time to visit a nursing home, to write a card, an email or a letter, I feel so much better about myself and my identity.

Instead of sitting at home and saying, Woe is me, I would rather sit at home and think of what I can do to make someone's day better.

There are a lot of things that I need to improve upon in my life and I want to change them because I want to be better and I want to have the Spirit's influence with me always.

So goal #1: to go to the temple this week and turn in these cards to the record's office. Not only because I have to turn them in, but because I want to go to the temple.

Books!

2011-10-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

I started reading this book today called Goody Hall. I'm pretty sure it's a children's chapter book but who cares! I love that I can find the time to read during the day. I've been able to read two books for my Coaching class, Tuesdays with Morrie and The Blind Side and I absolutely loved them. I had to read them for class but I picked them up at D.I. without even knowing they would be on the list!

I love being able to go to my bookcase and pick up a book and read it. My goal is to read every book on this shelf so I can say that I actually recommend it or I don't recommend it. It's much better to have everything read than to say oh, yeah I have never read that but you can try it.

I remember when I was a kid I had a toy chest that had shelves for books and then had a chest part that you opened up. I had books all in that toy chest. I would pick them up and read them out loud to an imaginary audience and show them pictures. I have always loved reading. Of course, some things I still don't find joy in reading but when I find something I like, I can't put it down.

I'm grateful for books and for the ideas that they have within them. I am constantly inspired, excited, and contemplative whenever I have a good book.

The Spirit

2011-10-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSzR92rNt4

This is my favorite story in the New Testament.

This weekend has led to an outpouring of the Spirit and I don't know why. I've been able to feel the Spirit more abundantly in my life. I feel like Heavenly Father is softening my heart so that I will be sensitive enough to listen for something that I need to hear in my life. The Lord does work in mysterious ways. We are provided with opportunities to feel of the Spirit but the question is then what we do with them. I can sit back and feel the Spirit and say, "Oh that was nice" or I can feel the Spirit and decide to change my attitude and act on what I felt.

I feel compelled to do the latter. I love it when the Spirit stays with you so strong that you have the desire to change. I love it. And the Gospel of Jesus Christ is always about changing and becoming better, becoming a little bit more like what our Heavenly Father wants us to be.

My Faith

2011-10-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

All of my life I've lived around people of various faiths and denominations and even people who don't consider themselves religious. And guess what? I'm okay with that and I'm glad I was brought up around it. I have so many friends who are of various religious backgrounds and I'm grateful for what they bring to the table each time we're together. People have been posting blogs and facebook statuses like crazy about how Latter-Day Saints are Christians and that we believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior. Yes, Yes, I do agree with you I am a Latter-Day Saint. But, I don't think that putting that as my status will somehow make people believe I am Christian.

The real well to tell if someone is a Christian or not regardless of his religion is to see how he acts. How does he treat other people? With kindess and respect? With hate and disdain? Does he bully? Does he criticize or does he uplift? Does he do random acts of kindness or fall into greed? Of course, there are many people in the world who do not associate themselves with any religion but may have these qualities as well. I believe that is because we were all born into this world with The Light of Christ. We were born with the ability to choose how we behave in certain situations and how we act toward and react to people. Do I think you have to be a religious person to have Christ-like qualities, not necessarily.

I am following the trend of saying, "I am a Christian" but in a different way.

I will bear you my solemn testimony that I know that God lives I know that Jesus Christ is indeed His Only Begotten Son. I know that "by him and through Him the worlds were created". I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. That He suffered pain, grief, and death for me and for you. I know that He has made it possible for us to return home to the "God that gave us life". I have felt the healing power of the Atonement and I can witness to you that I have personally experienced forgiveness and the joy that comes after being forgiven. This is a testimony to me that He lives. I know that Jesus Christ is who He said He was. I know that He was born in a manger in Bethlehem those so many years ago as a child and I am grateful for His birth. I know more than anything in the world that God hears and answers our prayers. We are His children and He knows us by name. He knows everything we are going through and has a specific plan for us if we are prayerful and quiet enough to listen to the whisperings of the Spirit. I know that God has not left us alone no matter how many natural diasters, diseases, and governmental issues may come upon this land. He is with us every step of the way and has His hand in your life more than you even know. If I could tell you the blessings that God has given me in my life it would be a continous scroll. I know that Jesus Christ lives and I love Him.

In the end, you can believe what you want to believe I am not the type to shove anything in your face. I can correct your misconceptions but when it comes to the point of argument I will drop it. There is no use in arguing truth. I can say that if you persecute me for my religion, if I am not afforded the same opportunities in life as you because I am discriminated against, that is fine. I know that I am on the Lord's side. The question is, where are you?

Ehhhh... I hate drama

2011-10-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at how much people have changed since I graduated high school.

It seems like half of the people I graduated with are pregnant, married, engaged, overweight, came-out-of-the-closet, drunk, or up to no good. I mean, I would kind of expect this from the type of schools they are going to and the fact that alcohol makes you put on weight. But I'm just shocked at how much people have changed. It will be interesting to go back in a few years to see everyone. Hopefully I will have a career by then.

Well life is..... good? I guess. It's not wonderful but it's good. I've had some "drama" if you want to call it that. And I just sit back and think seriously? This is probably the worst possible time to have this stuff happen. I've got three tests coming up, one of which I'm taking in the morning. I've got books to read before the end of the semester and papers to write and things to read. And here I am stressing out about some dumb situation that I should just forget about. But liking someone is hard to deal with, right? Especially when there is already awkward background with it. I realize I analyze more than an analyst and it wastes my time. If I could just put something out of my mind, I would. Maybe that's why I don't like people for long because it takes more effort to like someone than to not. You freak out about every word they say, what they meant, what this could have meant, and it's dumb. I would rather focus on school and not have any of this other crap to deal with. Okay-- that was my rant for the week. Hopefully.

I have no idea how I'm going to do on this test. I spent most of Saturday studying for it and I couldn't recall anything for you at the moment, probably because it is 2:17 AM. I'm just stressed about a variety of things. Ahhhhh!!!

So this one is for you Emily. Something you have already heard a million times from me but I decided to blog because I needed to. Now I need to go to sleep and get up at the crack of dawn. Wish me luck!

I don't know why I'm still up.

2011-10-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

I got off work at 1:21 AM and I'm sitting here blogging at 2:45 AM. I am a freak. Seriously. I should be asleep by now. But I'm tempted to see if Golden Girls is on.

School is still good. I got a 94 on my Chronic Disease Test so I was happy about that. I've still got a lot to do this week but I'm working on it all.

But I'm in a dilemma. I like this boy... and the situation is a bit awkward because of some background that I'm not sure that he even knows about. So I will just keep it to myself. He could know for all that I know. But that doesn't matter. I just know I like him and that is that.

I think I might turn on the TV now and then go to bed.

Bye.

Forget Yourself

2011-10-02T00:06:00.000-07:00

I rarely blog because I rarely can find time to blog.

Let me fill you in. I'm taking 5 classes, and they are all pretty easy and fun.

I'm working at concessions which means I work every football game at one of the busiest stands on the upper west side. We sell out of sandwiches and Cougar tails faster than we can get them out.

But the job is good and fast paced, just how I like it.

But let me get to the personal stuff---

I've lived in the same apartment complex since Aug. 2008. I know, I've been here a long time (don't judge). I've been through a total of about 3 different wards and 3 Bishoprics. Every year the ward seems to change. My first year here the ward was awesome. The people were friendly, personable, I felt like I could walk into any apartment and sit down and have a conversation with someone, regardless of how long I had known them. We were just that close and it was awesome.

The second year, the people seemed to have little cliques. During the Fall I really didn't know that many people because they seemed to have their cliques. Then during Winter semester people started coming around and being more social. I knew just about everyone's names before the year was over.

Now let me tell you about this year. Well, when I first moved in during 2008 Bishop Lindsay told us that we should memorize the ward directory as soon as we got it so we could greet people in the hallway by their names. Well I did it and I did it the next year and the next. I knew everyone's names and where they were from, something about them and what apartment they were in. Okay-- let's get back to the present. Well, I don't have a ward directory so I can't memorize anyone's names. I did my best during the first two weeks to invite people to play games and do things but guess what? Half of the people that said they would be there didn't come!

Half of the guys and the girls already knew each other. They either roomed together, lived in the dorms together, served missions together, or grew up together. Now, this usually happens in a student ward but I would say I have never seen a case like this. So I feel like I'm left out because people already have their "friends".

On the first Sunday we met at the State Hospital. On the next Sunday where we start our own Church meetings in the Tanner Building I left a seat open next to me each time I sat down (because I always get everywhere early) so someone would be able to sit next to me. Guess what? No one did. No one even asked me who I was or where I was from. Imagine how that feels for someone to not have anyone speak to them. Especially if they were NEW! (which I wasn't but still) There was only one boy who said "Hey Jessica" on that first Sunday. I am glad he did because I appreciated it.

I found out that the ward is young. Most of the girls (my roommates included) are 18, 19, and 20. I mean, I'm 21 but I'm not immature. It makes a difference between being young and immature and young and mature. I prefer the latter in a roommate/friend.

So I've got people around me who don't know about the Honor Code who scream at the top of their lungs and who want to go on dates with boys 24/7. Seriously? I never screamed but I grew out of being boy-crazy once I realized boys don't like that and school is more important.

So I sat around the first week thinking, oh great this is going to be an awesome semester. If I don't die first or someone gets punched. The third Sunday we met together I got a new calling in the Relief Society--again. And I pretty much told Bishop Wood I was tired of being in there. I found myself having feelings of "hate" if you could call it that. More like "frustration". I was tired of not having a new calling, I was tired of young people ( by that I mean under 21), I didn't like the fact I couldn't relate to my roommates, and I didn't like it that the people weren't outgoing and friendly and I was not going to introduce myself first for the third year in a row.

I knew that my feelings weren't what they were supposed to be. So I prayed. I prayed to have the right mindset. I prayed to be able to stop focusing on myself and focus on others. I mean, I have a job, I have a wonderful family, and the friends that I do have are great. I had this feeling that if I focused on others that I would be able to find someone who was worse off than me and to help them and even if I didn't find them, I just kept thinking there was someone out there worse off than me. It helped me put things into perspective. I don't have a lot of "best friends" or people that I constantly do stuff with. I am busy a lot or I'm tired from work, or I just want to stay at home. But it does make a difference when someone stops by just to talk to you, just to see how your day is or to come and tell you something exciting. There are a lot of cliques in the ward and I can't break them up, but I don't want to create my own either. I hate cliques I think they make people feel a lack of self confidence and self esteem. I feel that sometimes when my roommates have their friends over an invite that is extended to me is just an afterthought. Their actions really do speak louder than their words of "Oh you are totally invited".

So this post is not to say "I hate my life I have no friends and I am a loner". This post is to say, I know how you feel if you are reading this and you don't have friends or good roommates. I know how you feel when you want something to do on a Friday night but you don't know who to ask because they are all out with their "group". This post is intended for me to reflect on what I can do differently to focus on others, to make them feel included, whether it sounds like it or not. Because if I would forget about myself and get to work, I wouldn't have time to sit around and write a post like this and if you would forget about yourself and what you don't have or what you want you might not be reading this blog. I tend to look at other people's lives via Facebook, blogger, etc. and sometimes desire something that I think I don't have when I should be out there cultivating it instead of admiring it. Success doesn't come by sitting on your rear it comes with acting despite of fear.

This week I will focus on what I can do to have a better attitude and to find company when I think I'm alone. But I know that I'm never alone because I have been promised the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost and I am always encircled by the love of the Savior. So life is good, it might not always be great, but it's good.

The Freeway

2011-09-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was driving down the freeway today and I thought of this analogy.

As soon as you enter the freeway you have to speed up to catch up to the flow of the cars. As I was going 60-65 mph I was thinking in order for me to catch up with these people I am going to have to go 80 mph and there is no way I want to go that fast on this freeway. So I started thinking... in life, we are around people who are at all of these different speeds. Some of us are moving really fast in life, seasoned drivers who know what they are doing and who know how much they can handle. The daredevils who will try anything at least once. And the people who have learned who they really are.

So as I was feeling pressured to go 80 mph I stopped and thought, why not be like that man who is driving beside me, he is going at least 60 mph, a comfortable pace and he's not paying attention to anything around him but the road and himself. He's confident, he has learned who he is and what he is able to do.

So instead of feeling pressured to drive fast on the freeway when you don't feel comfortable doing it, stop trying to fit in all the time with the rest of the crowd and be the one car on the road who goes his own pace because he knows who he is and knows what he is capable of. The only thing that matters on that road is you and how safe you drive. Apply it to life, I think you'll like the way it works.

Walking down the sidewalk.

2011-09-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

This morning I was walking to class and I was thinking about being in Elementary, Middle, and High School. I write a lot of posts about the things I miss from high school and I do miss them. Sometimes I miss them a lot but that was a part of my life that I lived a few years ago. And now I'm here, in college, for another year. I'm taking my Exploration in Teaching class which covers the first basics about how to be a good teacher and to really inspire us to do our best to reach these kids. The more I go to class and learn the concepts the more I think about high school and how much I want to be back in that environment. I remember how my teachers interacted with me. The things that they did and said and things that I want to take from them and implement into my own teaching style. I'm so excited to be a teacher even though it is a few years away.

School is good though. I'm taking classes for my minor(s) and really liking them. I do like sports and I like to play them but I haven't been able to play because of my knees :( So I will just coach them instead.

But life is going good. Of course it has its regular duties, homework, reading, papers... but I think I'll really enjoy the semester.

Jessica

Bloggy Blogg Blog

2011-08-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

I have found out that there are some people in life I can do without. Actually not people but personalities and situations that I can do without. It never ceases to amaze me how some people don't act their age and can't see past the past and move on with a greater resolve and hope in the world. But alas, not everyone thinks this one and no one is me.

Sunday

2011-08-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

We were all so tired from staying up late last night that we didn't get up right on time.. I think I got up at 9:30 which is when I am supposed to be leaving to go to Church. But we got there right before the Sacrament song so that was good. I didn't go to Sacrament meeting last week so I really wanted to take the Sacrament today.

Well it happened again. The old feeling of having to be perfect. So all day instead of REALLY paying attention in Sacrament Meeting and Sunday School I sat there trying to figure out if I was less than perfect and just putting myself down. All of us have times when we know we can do better. We are all learning and on a constant quest to become perfect in things. But we don't become perfect all at one time in fact, that is an eternal pursuit. But I sat in Church today and thought, what if I miss out on reading my scriptures, what if I miss out on saying my prayers, what if I miss out on going to the temple.. does that make me bad? Of course not. I had to call my Mom before Relief Society and get her perspective on things and then I talked to my friend who helped me to see that I was normal and okay and that we can always do better but that doesn't make us bad people or unworthy if we miss out on a day of scripture study.

I came home from Church and decided I was going to read the Old Testament. I have the Video helps so I picked a topic and just started reading the scriptures and supplemental material. It was really interesting. I learned a lot about King David and how he was granted the strength by God to kill Goliath and then he ended up committing adultery and lost His Kingdom and standing in God's sight.

Besides Sunday..... this week is Finals week. And I really need to study for Nutrition and I hope I can get up in the morning to go to class because I really need to go get the graded team problem done. Then I have a work meeting at 5 and then FHE. Whew. But life is good.

On the relationship side of things. I've learned that I'm a little bit too much, in fact, oddly too much like a certain person.. It would not work out.... The train has left the station.

It's not that Hard

2011-08-02T01:31:00.000-07:00

I think this sums up a lot of the feelings I've had this week.
I've forgotten what the purpose of life is. I've forgotten how much joy there is in this life.

It's hard being a human. We have trials and difficulties that we go through. We are disappointed, discouraged, and frustrated. At times we may want to turn back and resort to the bickering and negative attitudes that are found all over the world today. We don't have enough money, our jobs are boring, our family is having issues, and our friends are disappointing us. For the past week I've focused on every possible thing that is going wrong. A roommate does something irritating, a guy turns out to be the jerk that I predicted he would be, my motivation for school has decreased. It's not fun to look at the negative side of things and I am 100% certain that our Heavenly Father did not intend for us to see life this way.

Every day I walk to school. I walk the same path, at the same time, and at the same speed. Nothing new seems to be on the path. But if I open up my eyes I see all kinds of new things. The beginning of a new week of EFY where youth are beginning to see how they really do have their own testimonies. I believe this program was inspired by God. It is amazing and gives me so much hope in the youth of the Church. I can listen for animals that roam the skies and land. I can smell the flowers that bloom in the summer and hear the bees that are busy at work. It takes time to notice these things. It takes a recognition of our Heavenly Father to want to notice these things.

Life is so simple. I know-- how can I say it's simple when so many things happen that are complicated? I guess I say this because I know that with God all things are possible. I know now more than ever that Heavenly Father is real. I know that He is indeed my Father in Heaven. I know that He knows me by name and He knows everything that I am capable of doing and becoming. Whenever I have a hard time in school and I need help before a test I pray to my Heavenly Father and I ask that He will help me to understand the information that I am learning. When I have no money to get through the next week I pray that somehow I will be blessed. I have faith that my Heavenly Father is really there listening. To say that God does not exist would be a lie. I know that He is there and His Son Jesus Christ lives. Maybe I don't take the time necessary to express my thanks for my life and the wonderful things that I have been given.

I attend a wonderful University, I was blessed with parents who love me, I was born into this Church, I have many talents and gifts that I want to use to bless the lives of others. I fail to remember these things sometimes because I live life like I'm walking down the same path every day. But life is never the same path. If I remember why I am on this Earth, what my responsibility and mission is, life would be so much easier. Remembering every day that my life has a purpose and I'm trying to achieve a goal makes every day a little better. So I will try to be better, not perfect, better in understanding where people are coming from, showing patience with different personalities, treating myself with self-respect and uplifting thoughts.

If I live with this song in mind, knowing that what I am doing is nothing compared to what Christ did during His life, my life would be so much better.

"To Think About Jesus"

It shouldn’t be hard to sit very still
And think about Jesus, his cross on the hill,
And all that he suffered and did for me;
It shouldn’t be hard to sit quietly.
It shouldn’t be hard, even though I am small,
To think about Jesus, not hard at all.

“To Think about Jesus,” Children’s Songbook of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 71

Let me tell you.

2011-08-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

My latest frustration is this:

For some reason I have always been able to tell when guys just aren't right. You know-- when they've got some kind of drug, porn, or an issue that just don't make them right. I mean I'm telling you I can tell at the drop of a hat as soon as I meet them. But being the type of person that I am, giving a person just an ounce of hope or the possibility that maybe just MAYBE my instinct is wrong this time I decide to give them a chance to prove themselves. Man I need to wake up and realize that if my instincts have been right more than one time, lets say about twenty million times and I get the same exact feeling each time then I'm probably right.

Then I get all frustrated with myself for even trying to give the dude a chance and I get even more frustrated with the kid for the idiot that he is. Yeah, it's happened more than once so I have a right to be annoyed. BUT I have also known and do know a lot of great guys. I'm not sayin that all of the guys out there have some kind of issue like that, we all have issues but different kinds. I just think some people need to grow up. I hate the guys that go for the easy girls-- it sure says a heck of a lot about your character. Ain't nobody gonna want you but some girl that's like you. I'll just say this and have my peace. I ain't no easy girl and I'm not gonna budge for anything that you offer.

And no, I haven't given up hope on the world..

It's 4:15 AM

2011-07-31T03:13:00.000-07:00

And I can't sleep. So I'm blogging and listening to Gangland.

It's my fault though. So you know last night I stayed up and worked on some homework until 2? Well I stayed up until almost 4 because I was finishing a book and then I slept in today until 2 IN THE AFTERNOON. Then I fell asleep again at 7 and woke up at 9. So as you can see, I can't sleep. Torture.

I guess I just thought I would tell everyone I am having sleeping troubles. Don't feel sorry for me. I know you won't anyway.

I hate....

2011-07-30T01:21:00.000-07:00

Writing papers about childhood eating habits when it is 2 in the morning because I have nothing better to do and I am bored. I know it's 2 in the morning, I should be sleeping.... yeah right.

Well, I took a Nutrition Test today and that went pretty well. It was harder than the last one so that was kind of a bummer but oh well. I did my best. I went on a walk up around the temple and found this massive trap hidden in the bushes to trap some kind of varmit. Probably a raccoon. But still, in the back of the temple this trap was hidden the bushes? Weird. I just had to take a picture. It was a good walk though, I think I was gone for about 2 hours or so. I love sitting up at the Provo Temple when the sun is setting and the sun is peeking through the clouds and sending its rays everywhere. It is so amazing how every time you are on temple grounds that you feel the Spirit of the Lord. It's a different feeling than you feel anywhere else. It's hallowed ground, it is sacred ground and it is dedicated for His Divine purposes. It is amazing to me how you can differentiate between the feeling of the world and feeling that comes from the Spirit of the Lord. It's a testimony to me that our Heavenly Father is real, that He lives and His Spirit is throughout everything on this Earth.

Life is Beautiful friends, Life is Beautiful.

Rattling Noise

2011-07-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the computer lab in the WILK listening to the most annoying noise ever above my head. I think it has to do with some drilling on south campus that sends vibrations all over. The light fixture above me is about to drive me insane. I just want to get up there and either stabilize it or break it. Oh, it stopped. Thank you.

Well this weekend has been pretty chill so far. Friday I took a nutrition test after an unproductive night of "studying" in the library. I stayed there until 10:30 and only got four pages read. But I did good on the test so that is all that matters. Last night I took a nap and stayed up until almost 3 because I couldn't sleep. That was fun. I think my eyes were so tired from staring at computers and books that the muscles were about to make my head spin.

There is a guy in this computer lab right now that has never uttered an English word but he looks pretty American to me. I have no idea what language he is speaking, it's not Spanish for sure. I am going to my friend's Bridal shower this afternoon and apparently they are having an "Alphabet" shower. I either have the letter V or U. Let me use my indexing skills to see what it could be.. It's a U. What in the world can I get that is a U? An umbrella? ha. We'll see... I'll roam the bookstore.

Well I'm sure you enjoyed reading this post. It's full of nothing but recent updates and things I can think of. ha. Oh yeah, my new book bag is the bomb and it matches my Vans.

Holla!

I wish I had something good to eat.

2011-07-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

It seems like that is something I've heard my family say all the time. Don't get me wrong, we have food. But not the kind of food we want. All I've had today is an L&T wrap, the noodles from a can of Chicken noodle soup and ice cream. Yum, right? But I'm starving for something good. Like something filling. But that's another story.

Right now, I'm thinking about guys who like to fish, hunt, and camp. And it makes me miss the guys at home. Oh, if I could only find guys like that in Utah who actually know how to fish and do all of that other stuff, I know a few. But once you are away from home you learn to appreciate and find out that you really admired the people who could fix up cars, and build houses, and were handy around the house. I'm not saying that guys here can't do that, I just don't hear a lot of guys saying I was tearing out the engine of the car, or I was trying to fix the lawn mower. I think it's super attractive when guys can fix things... well if they can fix them well and they work. If not, I'll just fix it myself. I'm not beyond it.

You know that's one thing that I liked about my Dad is that he could fix things. Some men can't. Or if they can, they really just duct tape it back or say that it's fixed and the next day the pipe is spraying water in your face. I think mowing the lawn, setting up camp, building a fire, hauling logs, fixing the dishwasher, working on the car, waking up early to go deer hunting, scaling a fish, tilling a garden, when something is broken you can find a way to fix it, these are attractive qualities to me. So if you fit the description-- HA! no I'm just kidding.
But it will give you a few points in the books if you can do some of these things.

Library time

2011-07-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, I think I was irritated about one thing in that last post, but I made it seem like I was irritated at a million things. That's not true.
Well I woke up 10 minutes later than I was supposed to this morning which meant I was late to class. So I walked on to class and instead of getting dismissed at 10:50 we got out at 9:50. We had to watch this video about this Minnesota Semi-Starvation Experiment that was done back in the 40s. It's kind of interesting if you want to look into it. They found that people who are in a state of starvation can only think about food for the most part and they lose relationships with others and become angry and irritated. Depression is mostly common and they can't think of anything else but eating food.
Now I'm sitting in the library where I have attempted to study, read, and look for jobs. I haven't done any of them but applied for a job and looked for jobs. I tried to read a book and got three pages finished. Nevertheless, I will say that this girl behind me had her key tones turned up on her phone while she was texting and I almost went insane and this chick that was sitting behind me was talking so loud on the phone about "I'm dating someone now...!" I almost turned around an said, "Yo girl, can you quiet down?" She would have said it's the NoShhh Zone. I would have been like right it is but it ain't the yellin zone child. Woo law, some people's manners. Shoot.

I guess I'm going to search CNN and then head on home. I would rather read and study in the comfort of my own home and not have to do anything. And sleep.

Irritated.

2011-07-07T18:45:00.001-07:00

As much as it happens, I hate being irritated. I hate being annoyed by someone and I hate having to avoid people because I know they make my patience grow thin. It sucks. And for the most part you could say I have control over how I want to handle things and the attitude that I have over them. True, I do. It's the same thing with pet peeves. We each have our own little things that bother us.
I hate it when people leave glasses on my bookshelf because I'm afraid it will spill on the bookcase or better yet, on my books. That's called respect for someone's property.
I hate it when people flake because it shows lack of commitment. I hate it when people don't follow through on assignments they are given because it pushes back deadlines, creates pressure, and makes the whole group suffer. I hate it when people leave their problems for other people to fix or handle. I hate it when people have a lack of concern for others and don't respect what other people are doing. If you're on the phone having a private conversation I think it is up to you to find somewhere to go unless I walk in on your convo, I'll leave. If you are sleeping, I'll be quiet. If you are reading, I'll be quiet. If you are studying, I'll be quiet. Some people, just don't get it.
Anyway.. enough of that. It's called learning how to accept people for who they are.

So for introductions, I'm Jessica and I'll respect you in hopes that you'll respect me too.

4th of July

2011-07-05T00:09:00.000-07:00

I don't have any pictures to post of today so I will just give you details like you were blind and I have to explain things to you. I went to bed at 4:30 this morning... I was reading a book so don't think I was up to no good. I woke up at around 8:30 so I could meet my friend at the parade down on University Avenue. When I got there I realized I was on the wrong side of the street as her so I had to run across the road in the middle of the parade to meet them. We watched the floats go by, the bands playing their merry tunes, and this weird Star Wars group and each person was holding a state flag. It kind of reminded me of the KKK-- so I thought it was weird and a bit eery. The Freedom Festival on Center Street had all of the vendors and food set up. We got tamales and tacos for lunch. I wanted to stop by the aquarium booth and get a free tattoo and see what the had to give away. They had their flyers for the new aquarium they will finish in 2013. Let me tell you, that aquarium will be SWEET! It made me miss the Tennessee Aquarium but it is going to look really cool and have a lot of neat features inside. I might go every day. haha So I have a temporary tattoo of a shrimp.

Then we decided to go swimming back at my place for an hour or two and I thought that when I jumped in the deep end I was going to die because I wasn't coming up as soon as I hit the water. I almost panicked. But, I remained calm even though I was under the water.
Then I came back and marinated my food to be grilled. Shrimp- marinated in oil and lemon pepper. You're talking about some of the most tender shrimp in the whole entire world. So GOOD! Then some chicken, marinated in oil and a Steak Rub. It was good too. Even though I learned that the steak rub doesn't hold up as well on chicken. Anyway.... it was all good. Sam made potato salad, Gina made some chocolate pudding cake, and Barima came over to eat it. haha But it was fun. We came inside and ate to hide from the rain. It was a lot of fun though. I love being with Sam and Barima because it makes me feel like I'm with my own family. A little bit of crazy is in all of us and when we're all together it makes me feel like we are a for real family. Aww..., our little family. It was fun though.

For those of you who remember my grill, the grill that has a broken and now taped handle, a broken leg and a lid that has to be shimmied in order to close all the way, I used it. I used it today to cook that food and it works. And it was good. But I don't like charcoal that has to be lit with lighter fuel, it's annoying. I just like that instant light stuff. I played some volleyball with some people in the ward too.

Oh yeah, Saturday I had to work the Stadium of Fire at 4:30. Our stand opened at 7:00. We got to see David Archuleta on the screen and heard Brad Paisley perform and the fireworks and heard the planes go over the stadium. By the time we got all closed and cleaned up and I went through settlement I clocked out at 1:36 and then went to sleep at 3:33. I was tired. But today has been a good day. Happy Fourth of July!!

P.S. I know this guy who has the most childlike sense of wonder, and I love it.

One Thing I have Learned.

2011-07-03T17:35:00.000-07:00

You can't change anyone. When I was in high school I used to look around and see all of these things people did that bothered me. Especially with teenagers my own age who were members, I always wondered why they did certain things when they knew the Church didn't agree with them. I'd come home from a Wednesday night activity and tell my Mom what I'd heard or seen and asked her why they were doing that when they knew it wasn't right. Her response was, they each have their agency.
Sometimes, that's a hard thing to learn. When you want to change someone because you want them to experience life at its fullest with the utmost happiness that you think you enjoy. When you see a friend who is struggling to find her identity you want to talk to her about religion and how Heavenly Father loves her and what He expects of her. Let me tell you, sometimes those approaches are not what is needed. I've learned that teenagers and young adults want their freedom. There is some kind of struggle going on within them where they are trying to figure out who they really are. If they want to go with the crowd or be their own leader. I've been there, maybe not to the extent as others have, but I've been there. I've sat around with friends who weren't the best examples and didn't always make me feel my best. I've dressed to fit in with the crowd. And those things made me feel happy for just a short time (even though my shoes that I have bought since high school are still the best out there).
Learning that other people have their agency is something that I've grown to appreciate and love. For one, because you can see individuals make their own choices regardless of what you have said to them. Knowing that somehow you have made a difference by being an example or lending an ear and then they have changed their attitude for the better is an amazing feeling. I have had family members and friends who have struggled with which school to go to. They had their own decision to make, pools of schools to select from, applications sent in, and then they ask opinions from other people. So when I give my two cents I don't know the impact I will have, but I hope that whatever choice they make is for their good. I have never forced someone into making a choice. Another thing I love about the principle of accountability and agency is that as long as I know I did my part by being an example or telling someone about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I know I've done all I can. Then I leave the rest to the Lord and go about my life. We can't live our lives worrying about something that we can't change. Especially when it doesn't even have to do with us!
I admit, having family members who have gone astray or who are living on the gray line of abiding by Church principles is kind of scary. I worry for them and I hope that one day they will turn around and see the way they are living their lives is not working out for them the way they think it is. I don't think I've ever been completely happy when I'm not following God's commandments. And as much as I want to sit down and tell a family member their dress is immodest, their language is explicit, their attitude toward others is shameful, I don't do it. It's not my place and I can't change them. That would make them harbor ill feelings toward me for "telling them what to do". So I just pray that whatever goes on between them and the Lord is what will solve their problem and one day their heart will be softened.
Above all else, I've learned I'm not God. I don't have the power to change hearts like the Savior can. I can lead you toward that goal but I can't change your mind. I can influence you but I never talk to someone expecting them to change forever, that is a product of the conversation I hope for but it's not intended. I've learned that we need to show love to each other. And love, that Charity which is the pure love of Christ can make all the difference.

Life as I know it.

2011-07-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

Is still the same.

Well school has been going good. I actually like taking classes during Summer because I don't have to study for a million other classes at the same time. I've still been able to read a lot of books that I wanted to read this summer as well.

Tonight is the famous "Stadium of Fire"! I'll be a stand lead at one of the locations so I have to leave for that in a couple of hours. I do enjoy concessions work so I'm looking forward to it.

I really don't have anything exciting to blog about. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is on and I'm debating on what to do next.

I'm Proud of Myself

2011-06-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

For taking my stand against three boys who were bashing the Honor Code and basically saying that the Church's standards for modesty are bogus. "It's okay to wear bikinis" "Whenever I see girls in shorts I just can't handle it!! (sarcastically)". So I lightly tapped a gentleman on his leg and asked him if he was with those guys and why wasn't he saying anything about the Honor Code. Instead he said "I'm just relaxing" and started playing with the water in a nervous manner. He said he thought the midnight curfew rule was dumb. They all said the beard rule was insane. They said that a bunch of students came up with the Honor Code and maybe it was wrong and they made a mistake. All I said was, there are some times that we have to do things and we don't know why we have to do them but that is just the way it is. Doesn't the Lord command us to do things for some reasons and we don't know why we are doing them? And they said... yes, but the Honor Code it is stupid. Yes, they are members. Yes, they attend BYU. And yes, they heard my voice. Because I don't let people get by with speaking up against Church Doctrine or the Honor Code without them hearing my two cents. They could have punched me in the face and I think I still would have stood my ground I didn't care what they were saying about me and yes, I did call one of them "Son" which then he backed off.

Bless their souls. Bless them.

Does the current US President matter?

2011-06-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend yesterday about how Obama is taking all of the troops out of Afghanistan in 15 months. I admit, I don't really know much about WHY we are there or why we have stayed there for so long. I don't know what the pros and cons are of our leaving anyway. It's something that I should look into. I asked my friend what she thought about Obama sending the troops out of Afghanistan and she said something to the extent of, "I'm to the point I don't care what Obama does anymore. I just want him out." So that made me think... okay, but you really didn't answer my question. How do you feel about us leaving? Do you think we will be more susceptible to attacks? Do you think that the nation will be able to survive on its own without our help? Were our attempts of prevention helpful there or were we really needed somewhere else? They are all things to think about. And so she asked me how I felt about it. And the only answer I could give her was, we all know that no matter who the President is things are going to happen because we know the end from the beginning. We know what is going to happen to this world and we know that no matter how many things get put into legislature to protect or abandon the Constitution, things will happen the way they are supposed to go. In the end, the righteous will prevail. She hadn't really thought of it in that way before, but that is how I see everything. I can vote for a President who has the closet moral values and platform that match my ethical, moral, and religious beliefs, but no matter who is in office, things are still going to happen. Another president will get blamed and he will be hated or he will be praised and adored. I am just grateful that I have a loving Heavenly Father who has already revealed the truth of these last days through his Prophets on the Earth today. I'm prepared for what is ahead and I take the necessary steps to prepare and keep myself safe by following the guidelines of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. "If ye are prepared, ye need not fear" Doctrine and Covenants 38:30

My Patience is wearing thin.....

2011-06-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

I do not have much patience. And I am sure that if any of you have associated with me in certain circumstances you have seen that I have absolutely no patience with some people. But it seems that the people that other people think are "annoying" aren't that annoying to me because I just accept them for who they are. Not that I don't accept the "normal" people for who they are, I do that too. But let me just say, there are certain things that irk the devil out of me. I am hard to hold my tongue, I find myself saying things that I probably shouldn't say because I just voice my opinion. And sometimes that can get me into trouble or that can make people think that I'm really harsh or blunt. Which I admit, sometimes I am blunt BUT it's like I've said before I know when to say something and when to walk away and not care anymore.

I'm just going to say, if you spread False Doctrine or you think you're high and mighty, I'll call you on it.

Pics from the Visit!

2011-06-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

Catching Up!

2011-06-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged lately because I haven't had the time! Mom came for her visit this past week and we did a lot of fun stuff. We went to the Living Planet Aquarium in Sandy, Utah. And I thought it looked like some janky hole in the wall but it was actually really cool! They are going to build a new 90,000 sq. ft. aquarium pretty soon and hope to have it finished by 2013 and it will be right off the interstate. I'll have to see it when it's done because I will still be here. haha Anyway, that was fun. We went to Temple Square, ate at the Nauvoo Cafe, Church History Museum, which was actually really cool. I had never been there before. We went up to the base of Y Mountain where you can see out over Provo and it was lightning out in the South and it was really cool to see from up there. We went to IKEA, which is always dangerous to go to because their stuff is so cute and at great prices. I don't know how many places we ate at, but it was a lot. I felt like I was eating a million meals a day so it's good to get back to my one meal a day. I know that sounds awful, but I like it that way. We went to the Bookstore and looked around, Church Distribution, etc. Mom bought a wrench for the twenty gallon water barrels. Or however many gallons there are. It was fun though. I liked mom being out here but it felt kind of weird having her on my turf. Normally when I go home we both know about things and where things are but this time I had to give the directions and it was just weird. But then when I would come back to the apartment and she would wander around Orem it felt like she lived here. So it was just weird, but I'm glad she came. Oh yeah, we drove all the way down to Manti on Sunday afternoon and I have never seen so much land with nothing in it but green mountains... it was kind of tiring. I really like busy cities or at least neighborhoods that are close to things like a hospital and school. We went to see the movie Source Code. I had already seen it and thought it was super trippy but this time I kind of understood more of it than I did the first time. And we went bowling where the first game I did horrible and so the second game I wanted to redeem myself but I did worse than the first time. A great 51! and mom got like 120 something. haha

So after mom left I went laser tagging with my friend at this place down the street. And NO ONE was there playing laser tag with us but just me and her and so I'm trying to find her in a red vest when there is no one else around. And it's dark and cold and then some places it's warm and I can't hear her breathing and I'm thinking the whole time that this would be the perfect scene for a rape to happen or something. And the music is loud-- we were kind of creeped out. But it's not our fault no one else was there playing too!

I laid out today by the pool for about two hours. I am convinced I am going to be dark as my Native American ancestors. Geronimo, I will one day look like you.

Well I'm off to read a book now. Bye!

Lawn Mowers

2011-06-09T20:38:00.001-07:00

I mowed the grass today at work. And guess what? Lawn mowers-- self propelled push mowers-- are the one appliance I do not like. Because half the time I forget that I had my hand on the accelerator and I would end up running behind this lawn mower.. I must have been a sight. And one time all I was doing was holding down the accelerator and not the blade and I wasn't mowing a dang thing. I was ticked that time. But it was some hard work having to heave that thing around and go where I wanted it to go. At least I can mow a lawn but it's not my favorite job in the world to do. I prefer weed whacking because I can see my hard work in about 30 seconds or less. Mowing takes a while. Anyway.. I was hot as mess because I had a sunburn already and I was under the relentless sun sweating and afraid I would pass out from heat suffocation as I call it. Law, I'm surprised I didn't just pass out on the street from all that heaving and lifting around. But I'll be sure to get some muscles and an arm workout from today.

Mom comes on Saturday at noon. Her plane is getting earlier than it was supposed to so that is good.

Oh, and let me tell you about this movie I was going to watch. The Fourth Kind. About Alien encounters and this doctor taped all of her interviews with her clients and apparently there is live footage of these alien abductions/encounters. Anyway, I watched 30 seconds and this horrible feeling came over me and I turned off the TV. Then I thought the real doctor woman who looked like an alien would end up showing up in my kitchen (heck, I don't even know if she's dead!) But the feeling freaked me out enough that I took the movie back to the Mailbox and shipped it back off to Netflix. And the door between my kitchen and the back bedrooms shut when the TV was off so I thought some evil spirit was in my house but it was my roommate going to the bathroom. I had no idea she was even here. I screamed WOO! out loud. Law have mercy, I can't be takin that mess. My anxiety will run away with me. Shoot.

Wednesday Sun

2011-06-09T00:06:00.000-07:00

Well today (let's pretend today is still Wednesday) I decided to lay outside in the sweltering heat. For about two and a half hours. I'm pretty burned but it should tan over soon.

I'm reading a new book called "Back to the Moon" by Homer Hickam, Jr. He's one of my favorite authors. He wrote "October Sky" originally called "Rocket Boys". So if you've seen the movie, this is the same guy. Anyway... it's his first novel and it's pretty good. However, I have this habit of starting to read a book and then I will be laying in my bed reading it and I fall asleep. That doesn't help when I want to get along in the story and I just fall out. I'm telling you the heat makes you tired. So I took a nap today and woke up went to a bonfire up Squaw Peak at 10:25 or so and we were having a good time until it started raining. We still had a good time but you know, the rain isn't a friend when you are trying to be warm up in a canyon. It did make me want to crawl in a sleeping bag and go to sleep. If only we had popped a tent up right then.

Mom comes in this weekend so at least I'll have something to do and I won't feel like I'm wasting my life away on my bed. Life is good though. Definitely not hectic right now and pretty chill. But I'm going to read my book now since apparently I can stay awake better at 1 in the morning.

Fishing

2011-06-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

A couple of us went fishing today with the Bishop. We were down at Utah Lake in Orem and I threw in my lure and just so happened to catch one of these suckers:

A nasty carp. Hahah. he was pretty ugly but the people next to us decided to take him off our hands and use them as their bait. So they packed up and ran off to a good place I guess. Took our fish and headed off. It was fun though. Hopefully got some sun, and some mosquito bites but it totally reminded me of when I was a kid going fishing with Dad. Ah, I miss those days.

ahhh...

2011-06-04T00:45:00.000-07:00

I hate having to hold in thoughts or feelings when I'm tired of suppressing them. But sometimes, that is the best way for things to be done. Anyway... today was good, real good.

I will just say-- some things can't last forever. dang it.

Job Hunting

2011-06-02T23:22:00.001-07:00

So the job hunt continues. I had an interview yesterday for a secretarial position and yeah, just like always, I wasn't chosen. It's not that I can't do the job, maybe someone came in there and was bubbling with energy or confidence. Who knows. I just know I start training for concessions next Friday night at the Men's Soccer game. So that should be fun. At least I'll have something to do.

I went to work today for four hours.... and that was fun. I guess. I mean I just pulled up weeds and wondered if these plants around a tree were weeds or not so I decided it would be best not to pick them.

My Mom is coming out next Saturday. So that should be fun. A week of no work! Yes! I'll just have to remember to tell my boss.

I just watched the movie Unstoppable with Denzel Washington in it. It was seriously so good that I almost had a heart attack a million times. I found myself gripping my sheets in my bed without even knowing it. Whew. It was a good one. I love movies that make me tense up though it's like I'm getting a work out by just watching something.

Well I'm going to read now. I started Ethan Frome. I hope I like it.

A lot of smoke and s'mores

2011-05-31T23:33:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I went with my roommate to her house up in Pleasant View which is just a few minutes away from Ogden. We had a good time playing games, surfing the net, petting goats and horses, catching fish at a Fish Farm, and touring the Union Station Museum.

Let me tell you about the fish though. I wanted to take the hook out of its mouth. So my roommates Dad told me to put my thumb in all the way down far in his mouth. I was sure he was trying to trick me and make me put my finger way down in there so the fish would bite it or steal my thumb... I proceeded to try again and finally got the hook out and I was taking the fish to the bucket of water and it jumped out of my hand and flopped everywhere. Whew law, I thought I was about to die. His teeth got me in the thumb but it wasn't that bad. I want to go fishing again!

Yesterday after we got back we went to Thai Mango with some friends and then went to our Bishop's House for FHE where we ate s'mores by the fire and rootbeer floats. We played Just Dance on the Wii and Catch Phrase with a big group of people and ended up staying until 10:30. Haha. It was fun though. I love our Bishop and I feel like they are family.

I went to work today for 4 hours, so that is an improvement from the regular. I was really tired when I got home so I ate my lunch/early dinner somewhat and read my book and then came to bed and promptly fell asleep for two hours. It was so nice. Then my friend came in and woke me up and told me that we were invited to a bonfire with Apt. 133 and Taco Tuesday at Del Taco. I got up and got ready in ten minutes and we just got back from the Bonfire. It was fun, and we ate s'mores again. And our house smells like smoke. Speaking of our house, we just found that our air conditioning pipe has about 2 inches of ice around it. I'm putting a work order right now and we are in the process of thawing the ice off and catching it in a bucket.

Rize.

2011-05-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

I just watched the documentary called Rize that tells the story about all of these dancers in California who turn to krumping and clowning instead of the gang life.
MTV's show "America's Best Dance Crew" has a group call "Street Kingdom" that is known for their ridiculous krumping. Tight Eyez is one of the founders of the krumping style that just happens to be a member of the group. If you don't know what krumping is, let me give you a definition. Wikipedia says this: "...is a street dance popularized in the United States that is characterized by free, expressive, exaggerated, and highly energetic movement involving the arms, head, legs, chest, and feet.[1]"

But maybe you should just look at this to get an idea.... sorry that it's an Ellen clip. I think you can only handle one krumper at a time. I'll start you off with Tight Eyez. <--- click me!

Anyway, if you really study the history of krump and of clowning it is seriously AMAZING. I think it is a really inspired idea. So many lives are being saved each day by the people who make krumping and clowning look attractive, fun, and safe. I know this sounds like a book report but I really loved Rize it made me appreciate where I came from and helped me to better understand the people around me. If I could krump, I'd be there... I just need to find the anger to get out.

2 Sides

2011-05-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

I was thinking that it is so funny how the two sides of my family are totally different. Each of them are unique in their own ways and see a different side of me.

My Dad's side just happen to be non-members of the Church so it's always been different with them. From sweet tea offered a million times by my grandpa and singing in Church without a piano on Sundays when I would visit as a kid-- I always remember I felt different around my Dad's family. But that didn't mean I didn't love them any more or any less than my Mom's. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents when I was a kid because we were so close to Huntsville. Those were some good times and I always liked eating ramen soup in grandma's red bowls and putting iodized salt on my eggs... haha I remember holidays with my Aunt and Uncle and cousin. Music, gifts, talking, and not a lot of food. It's funny to look at my Dad's family now... sadly, most of them are gone and all that remains is my Aunt, cousin, sister, and myself. On holidays we still get together and have a good time but things have just changed since there aren't as many of us. The table is full of memories and laughter but misses the people who made us whole. But I would say we all share a love for The Golden Girls on this side of the family. Those four old women are just too funny, ironically the first time I saw the show was at my Grandma's house because I thought it was a cartoon... sadly I was mistaken and addicted.

My Mom's side of the family is a totally different story. As members of the Church we agree and are able to relate to each other on various levels. Holidays consist of Ma's homemade dressing in an aluminum pan from the dollar tree, ham, green bean casserole, rolls, drinks, jello pretzel salad, Ma's jello, and let me tell you, the food on ANY occasion is BOUNTIFUL. Typical get-togethers consist of talking a little in the living room, blessing the food, eating the food around a table while reminiscing about the same stories I have heard a million times, mentions of "PAULLLL", dozing off while a select few continue to talk and laugh and the other two siblings decide to look through old pictures for the upteenth time, and then we eat again. I am grateful to this side of the family for my crazy sense of humor. We're definitely from the South. Loud, country folk, crazy stories, a lot of laughter, and food.

I love both sides of my family and I'm grateful for the influences they have on me. I can see how I'm like both of my parents in different family situations. But most of all I'm grateful for the differences that are in my family because sometimes, too much of one side is too much to handle. haha

No phone and a lot of rain.

2011-05-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

I thought I would die without having a phone for a few days but it actually hasn't been that hard. I don't get text messages so that gives me a lot of time that would be given to checking my phone, using my thumbs excessively, and reading one word replies. I should be getting a new/old phone by Wednesday which will be good so I can actually know what time it is and not have to carry around a portable sun dial. Okay-- I don't carry one around, but still.

It's been raining a lot for the past week and I woke up this morning to thunder. I decided to go back to sleep because there is nothing to do at work in the rain. I went with my friend to lunch at the Cannon Center and then I went into work and started weeding and pruning some trees and then weed whacking. I used the eye glasses this time and had to put new line on the weed eater two times. I'm just glad I've gotten the hang of it and I didn't kill anyone or run over anything alive today.

While I am thinking of other things to say I want to address this topic of "intimidation". Most people that I meet say that I am intimidating or scary the first time they meet me. How in the heck do you infer this? By the fact I ask you your name and try to include you in things? By the way I listen to what is going on and not say anything? It's kind of annoying. I see people stand around and look at me but they never say anything to me. I guess I have a mask on or a sign that says "buzz off bucko". I know I'm really honest and I'll probably call you out on something that I don't like, but that is me! I know when not to open my mouth but I'm not one to hide my opinion. In fact, I'll give it to you even if you refuse to hear it. I don't side with other people on serious issues or trivial ones just for the heck of it. I want to know why you believe in it and give me a defense. I've got a brain and I do know how to use it. So if you are intimidated by confidence and smarts then I suggest you "man-up" or run to someone else who can make you feel like you are the bomb.com without even doing anything. I guess I've just heard a lot of this stuff lately from people and wanted to say something about it.

Well I'm gonna head out and find some stuff to read.
Holla!

Guess what?

2011-05-20T09:52:00.003-07:00

It is still raining!!! But tonight we are going to see Newsies at the Varsity Theater on Campus and I am not going in to work in the rain. Again. I know, I'm lazy.

Thursday.

2011-05-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

I had an idea for a post, but I forgot it. I guess it wasn't that important?
Anyway... it was raining this morning so I went in to work at 11:30 and wanted to stay until 3:30 giving me four hours, but I just couldn't make it that long so I left at 3:12. Then I went to the mall with my friend Ian and shopped around. I always have to buy accessories when I buy a new shirt. I don't know why. I'm weird. I have tons of jewelry I haven't even worn yet!
I went to five guys burgers and fries today for the first time, it was good. But that was at 4:30 and I'm hungry now. It feels like it has been Friday two times this week and today feels like a Saturday. We went into this store and looked at these Nixon watches that Ian likes... I was tempted to buy some bright colored watch but I resisted. I'm finding out (well I've known I like bright colors) that I like a lot of bright things to wear. I'm not afraid to try something new and see what it looks like. It's unique but it's put together well. Not like I just threw on some skirt and a shirt and sandals and ran out the door. I don't want to take the chances of looking like a rag doll. But I'm beginning to experiment more with bright colored tops and layers with cardigans over them-- kind of what I've always done but with a different twist. The eye shadow is what always pulls it all together and I'm known for any color now days.

I finally bought a book of stamps yesterday so I can write letters to people back at home. I want to write a letter to the notary woman on campus that helped me yesterday. Law have mercy we had a time trying to interpret this notary statement. It was a bunch of nonsense. "On the day the same bears date". We both read it and looked at that sentence and still couldn't figure it out. But everything is fine with the piece of paper and it has been notarized and sent off.
I'm one movie away from having all of the Fast and Furious movies under my belt and then I can go see the 5th one.

I don't really know if anything else exciting has happened. I keep on having dreams that I open up my mission call and I go to China. And I have dreams that people write me letters and I wake up and none of it happened! I'm reading Lord of the Flies and I know that had nothing to do with my dreams last night. ha, thank goodness.

Chore Charts...

2011-05-15T23:47:00.001-07:00

This is a chore chart. It might look familiar to a lot of you. I was talking with my friend tonight about our personality traits while we were taking a personality test. One of the questions had to deal with how did we handle chores. Well I hated chores because
1) My mom would repeat the chore a million times until I did it
2) I could never do it on my own time
3) There was no one else to do the chore for me
4) I had a dumb chore chart with stickers that I put on it.

Let me tell you why I hated this chore chart. Seeing the things that needed to be done was depressing because I would rather spend my time outside playing. I hated taking out the trash and I hated folding towels even though I am a PRO towel folder. Just ask my Mom. I was and still am the type of child that doesn't like to be told what to do unless I want to do it. So if it's something I will enjoy doing I'll hop to it, but if I don't really want to do it I will wait until the last minute to do it. This is why my Mom told me a million times to unload or load the dishwasher. Part of that is because when I unload the dishwasher I have to organize everything and plan how I am going to put it all away so it takes the least amount of time. But back to the chore chart. I think they were invented partly so that kids could feel satisfaction from putting a sticker on the board and so they could compete with their siblings for a prize or something. Well I had no siblings, I was competing with no one and I'm pretty sure I played with stickers all the time. So chore charts didn't work for me. When I came to college one of my roommates suggested that we have a chore chart. If only you could see the look of disgust on my face, I looked at that girl and told her heck no I was not going to have a chore chart because I wouldn't do it and I didn't want somebody telling me what to do that wasn't my Momma. I'm more of the you clean up your own stuff and I'll clean up the apartment if I'm feeling charitable enough or if someone is coming over so it doesn't look like a dump. So if someone else prepares a checklist for me, odds are, I won't do it. I used to hate these little notes my mom would put on the door when I would come home from school. It would say, "Jessie please take out the trash. Love you! Mom ;) " Ugh. I still see them in my mind and hate them. haha.

But this all has a point. I'm a red personality. I just took the test which I was pretty sure that I was a red the last time I took it. I am motivated by POWER. Which means I like to do things my own way. You've got that right. But I've got a lot of other qualities as well. So I'm not just red... don't worry I won't bite your head off-- unless-- well you will be able to tell when I want to bite it off.

My Computer is going to Explode!

2011-05-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

So last year I had some issues with my computer, like the casing was cracked, the motherboard died and then the fan broke and my computer was about 108338475 degrees. It was hot let me tell you. Well it makes this awful metal grating racket when I turn it on or a certain way and it's overheating again. Time for a new computer? Maybe.

I still haven't finished East of Eden because I keep falling asleep when I read it. Not that it's boring but because I'm just tired. This weekend has been pretty chill.
I've got a job interview on Monday to be a Risk Management Assistant/ Teacher. Hopefully that will go well.

Well I'm gonna shut this baby off because it just might melt something.

Holla!

Because I know...

2011-05-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

I was looking on the lds.org website's online store and saw the pictures that I have on my wall in my bedroom. I am a huge Captain Moroni fan! Seriously, I want to marry a guy who has all of those qualities that he had. Hint-- sometimes I do see if guys measure up to this standard.

I love the story of the Good Samaritan and I have a picture of the story right beside me on the wall. A picture of the Birmingham, Alabama temple is on the wall and a picture of Jesus Christ is tacked on my ceiling so when I'm pondering or thinking or when I wake up in the morning I can start with my thoughts geared toward Christ.

Because I know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and is on the Earth today I have reason to smile when I see these pictures. They line my walls because I know they are eternally significant. Your whole perspective changes once you know the gospel is true. I talked about the devotional given by Sister Wixom called "Coming to Know". That devotional really made me think about my spiritual experiences and I'm glad I read it. I'm able to put a place, date, feeling and emotion on all of the experiences and dealings I've had with God.

As I was reading in 1 Nephi tonight I had some questions in my mind. But after thinking for a while I was able to conclude that I do know that Heavenly Father is my Father. I know that whenever I am faced with a difficult situation or when someone challenges my faith I respond with an answer that suggests and claims God is all powerful and He can do all things. Though I do not know by what method God brings about all of His mighty works I know nonetheless that He is real and he is God. Because I know Him, I can defend Him and His Son with every fiber in my being and would give my life for my testimony.

A bit of this and that....

2011-05-09T00:41:00.000-07:00

So this post will have some random stuff throughout it because I have a lot of things in my mind. First off, I did not get to paint my right hand before Church this morning. I painted two nails when I was walking to church but I stopped because I was afraid the polish might end up on my dress and I would be ticked. Church was good today but I miss how people are friendly and come up and introduce themselves. I'm trying to start doing that with these new people. I watched Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief today and Willow tonight. Willow is a classic, but I don't think I can handle it for a while.

I just read the CES Fireside talk by Sister Rosemary Wixom. It was titled "Coming to Know". She talked about how we need to come to know for ourselves that Heavenly Father is real and that His Son Jesus Christ is real. She says that Utah State University was the place where she came to know for herself that she was a Daughter of God. She loves that University because of how it defined her life. She said that we should all have our own "Waters of Mormon"-- a place where we first came to recognize the truthfulness of Heavenly Father's plan. I started thinking about significant places in my mind that spiritually stood out to me. I remember the first time I read the Book of Mormon all the way through I was in my living room and I knelt over a blue recliner to ask the Lord if this Book was true. I got no answer that said "yes, yes this book is true". Instead I got an answer that said, "you knew all along...". That was an amazing experience for me. I remember the first time I knew the Atonement was real when I was at work standing in the front office. I remember the first time I knew and felt that I had an important mission upon this Earth and that I had a responsibility to be loyal to God, I was driving to school listening to the seminary song, "I will Seek the Lord". I remember the exact spot I was sitting when I knew I needed to apply to BYU. I know exactly where I was when every prompting came to me that will influence my future life. My decision of what to major in, what to write a Book of Mormon essay on, what to do to fix unexpected situations, begging and pleading the Lord to help me get through a difficult time in my life and to let it pass from me if it be His will. I remember these things, my "many" waters of Mormon because I became acquainted with the Lord through them all. Each of them are important to me and each of them help me to see how much Heavenly Father loves me and knows me.

I testify to you that God lives and that Jesus Christ is indeed His Only Begotten Son in the flesh. I know that I am a Daughter of God even though at times it is mind boggling to think about. But I do know that I will one day see my Heavenly Father's face. I will stand before Christ to be judged of the things I have done during this mortal life and I hope that He will find me worthy to enter into His Kingdom. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I need some R&R

2011-05-07T23:11:00.000-07:00

So I was reading in my Dad's letters from Vietnam that he got to go to Hawaii for his R&R and it was 7 days long. That sounds really good to me right about now. Getting back in to work will take some getting used to. Three days down last week and my calves are killing me. Tomorrow after Church I'll just sleep and rest all day long. That's what Sunday is for! It still seems like I'm so busy right now even though I really don't have that much to do. I just seem to be on the go, but I guess it's because I have a lot of errands to run.

Today was the day that I got my grill and let's just say-- it is not what I expected it to be when I took it out of the box. I think I got the worst one in the lot. The paint was chipped off, the handle came broken, the rim of the top of the grill was warped. It will still do the job but I kind of want to turn it back in and get my money back. I had to tape the handle back on after I super glued it so it's pretty ghetto. I decided to grill out tonight and I wanted to use my grill, but that didn't happen so I used the grill outside and used my charcoal-- my instant light charcoal mind you. It was a fast one to light and did it's job. We had steak, shrimp, asparagus, and squash and man was it good. That steak was so good. I got one of these grill mate rubs to put on it and it sure was tasty. Asparagus was crunchy and squash was moist, the shrimp I put a lemon pepper seasoning on it with some cilantro mixed in there. So good!!!

Then I went with Candace to her place and I looked around there. We talked and caught up and then decided to go to Yogurtland. This frozen yogurt place down on University Pkwy. that I hadn't been to yet. She had some coupons so we took advantage of those. Kelli wanted to invite this guy in her ward to come along with us and it just so happens that he's in my home stake and we know a lot of the same people so that was fun. I really never knew him that well back in HSV.

I'm currently in the middle of painting my fingernails this color:

I'm wearing gray and black tomorrow... I thought gray and black nails would look good. I'll do the right hand in the morning.

Take me Home

2011-05-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

Well this trip home was definitely one that was unexpected and rushed. But I've enjoyed it. I've been able to use my landscaping skills to get the backyard all nice and I edged the bushes this morning. I've learned a few tips and tricks to getting this lawn equipment to work just the way I want it to. I've enjoyed being able to spend time at home with my family but it's just not the kind of trip that I've been able to feel totally relaxed on. I guess there is family stuff that I have to take care of. Then the tornadoes definitely disrupted three days of living, but I am grateful for them because I got to spend more time with my Mom since she didn't have to work.

I love the South though. Every time we pass by my high school all of these memories come back. My friends in marching band, pep rallies, the walk from the Business Building all the way to the Science building. I miss the teachers and administration that made me feel like I was safe and well cared for. High school isn't always everyone's cup of tea but I loved it. I feel blessed to have the teachers that I had and the friends that I had while in high school. I'll occasionally look through my Senior Yearbook and miss those days.

Another thing that I have been able to do while I'm at home and since the passing of my grandmother has been able to ask questions about my Dad. My Dad was a soldier in the Army in Vietnam. We have all of his letters that he wrote to my grandmother saved in a plastic bag that I now have. I've started reading the cursive writing from 1969 when he was in Basic Training. I've been able to see his personality coming through his letters. Sayings such as, "that's a bunch of string beans" or "that's rotten" all mean something to me because I was never able to really carry on intelligent conversations with my Father because I was so young. Sometimes I wonder what we would be talking about right now and how he would respond. I wonder what his ideas were and I wonder how much of him is within me? That's where the Gospel comes in as a comfort letting me know that Families are Forever.

I've done a lot of reflecting at home as I always do. Home makes you remember things you don't think about most of the time. But tomorrow I will be heading back to Utah-- good ole Provo, Utah! Where the mountains have snow on them and the weather is really cold... I have two homes and one day I'll be able to recognize memories in both of them.

what makes me happy...

2011-05-01T22:24:00.000-07:00

Today is my Birthday

2011-05-01T06:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to Me!

Tornadoes on April 27th: As quick as they come, they leave.

2011-04-30T08:58:00.001-07:00

It was expected for really severe storms to come through Northern Alabama on Wednesday, April 27th. Me, being the night owl that I am decided to stay up late (4 AM) to watch the incoming storms coming from Mississippi. We were already under a tornado watch and if any of those storms came through during the early hours of the morning I knew that my Mom and Grandma would have no idea what was going on. Mom woke up for work at about 5:30 and there was already a tornado warning and a storm was predicted to come right to my city so she stayed at home until about 6:30 and then left for work.

At about 7AM there was another tornado warning and I only got to sleep for about one hour after that one cleared and I was woken up by sirens. It was non-stop from then on. It gets to 12:30 and Mom ends up coming home and it's slacked off for a while. In case you haven't ever been in an area prone to tornadoes let me tell you how it feels. You wake up in the morning and walk outside and feel this humid cool breeze. The sky is usually overcast with a promise of rain and a thunderstorm or two. You know immediately that something feels different. I've known this feeling ever since I was a kid and I can recognize it at a drop of a hat-- even in Utah.

We get warning after warning and the weather tells us constantly to get in our safe location so I really just want to sit in my bathtub with my pillows and blanket and Book of Mormon and electric candle. The power goes out midday so we have no radio and no way to tell what is going on. I'm constantly texting people who have power still to see what is going on and if they have a radio to tell me the updates. My cell phone is on the verge of death and the signal is really weak coming from the bathroom, we can't even call out or receive calls on our cell phone. I'm basically stuck to looking at the sky that is pouring raindrops the size of golf balls to determine when I need to go hide. The tornado doesn't have eyes but at times it feels like it. I'm scared out of my mind because the last thing I heard was a tornado was headed right for Decatur. I have no idea where it is.

Mom got home about 5:00 and more storms came which meant more tornadoes which meant more sitting in the bathtub. I finally found batteries for this radio which was good we were able to tell what was going on. The power was out and the whole house was pitch black at about 6:00 which is abnormal. The clouds are hanging low and there is an ominous feeling because there was complete silence. I heard people say they saw the wall-cloud go right over where we live and then pass on. Once the cold front moved in around 7:00 or so the tornado threat went down and only rain was left. It was seriously one of the scariest things that I have experienced because tornadoes can't be stopped. Our city is safe but other people just a county away are suffering. They have no houses, their crops are flooded, they have nowhere to go to sleep for the night. Countless lives were lost and the damage was spread across the whole state. They said this was the worst tornado outbreak since 1974 and the worst natural disaster since Hurricane Katrina. I learned a lot though. A LOT. Always have faith in Heavenly Father and remember Him always and He will protect you.

In Cullman, about 30-40 minutes from where I live:

In Tuscaloosa, down south, home to University of Alabama:

Like a Brick Wall

2011-04-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

My Mom has always told me that arguing with me is like "talking to a brick wall". Nothing seems to get through to my head and I'm stubborn in the way I think. I don't do something until I've made up my mind to do it. If you don't know me I'll let you in on a secret: I like to argue. For no reason.

I don't know why I like to argue, to state my point and see what someone else is really passionate about enough to defend it. I thrive under stress sometimes and this just makes my adrenaline flow and I have to think fast. But don't be mistaken I'm not a fan of the "point my finger at you and yell and then stalk off mad and use a series of expletives to describe my inner feelings". That's the easy way to prove yourself immature in an argument. I've learned how to control my temper and my emotions and learned how to speak my mind without screaming at the top of my lungs. It definitely takes self control. But I don't like to argue about petty things and I hope to not do that when I'm married-- I want to avoid that at all costs. It's a waste of time and energy. I like to argue about topics, concepts, ideas of thought, and personal opinions. This is what I consider arguing-- two different viewpoints defended and explored at a deeper level.

So if I argue with you consider it me getting to know you and maybe me taunting you to see how far you'll go. Of course I am really set off by someone trying to pick a petty argument with me. I'll probably dislike you for a while.

But I am truly thankful for my ironic gift of being able to forgive easily. I have found that growing up I used to argue with my Mom a lot about nothing. I could feel the muscles in my arms tense up and I'd just have to walk away and two seconds later me and mom were fine. Of course, she's my mother I would forgive her no matter what. In college I find that I argue at a more mature level and it's rather considered as a discussion. But I know my limits and I'm always the first to apologize if I see at all that someone has been offended by the way that I acted. I guess this is all that you need to know about how I argue... maybe you will encounter it one day- if you haven't already.

I want to blog

2011-04-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what I want to blog about though. So I will just tell you what I've been doing at home for the past week or so.

First off, we know I flew home really fast so I could come to my grandma's viewing and funeral. We had to clean her house and get some stuff done over there during the weekend.
Sunday was Easter and we went to church and then slept half of the day.
Monday I worked outside and used my brand new weed whacker/ edger. I'm sure you have already read about that. Let's see..... today I woke up around 11 and ate some applesauce and then I read my book and went back to sleep. I know productive, right?
But we are expecting bad weather so I really couldn't do anything outside.

Right now I am watching True Life: I have an embarrassing medical condition and this girl has turrets syndrome with ticks that cause her to inflict harm upon herself and those around her. It showed her mother and sister with her in a store and they had to constantly watch over her to make sure she was safe. I commend parents who care for children that have medical problems or are challenged. That takes a lot of faith, patience, and perseverance.

Well-- my life isn't that exciting right now as far as events go. But things happen that are funny all the time. Bye!

A Mysterious Whistling Noise....

2011-04-24T15:55:00.001-07:00

Every once in a while I hear this sound that sounds like a whistle. Sometimes it is quiet and will go away and then sometimes it lasts for a while. The pitch will go in and out in and out.... I only hear it when I'm at home. One time I thought it was coming from my grandma's head. I was about to freak out thinking there was something going on radioactive in her brain. Hey-- come on I have an imagination.

Well last summer when I first heard this sound I wanted to know what it was. And I said, "Ma what the mess is that sound?" and she replied, "My hearing aid".

Now, who ever thought that a hearing aid could make so much dang noise? And some annoying noise at that? We were just sitting here watching a movie and I hear this buzzing noise and she's over there playing with this bean shaped device. Saying it doesn't fit quite right in her ear.

If I haven't told you about my Grandma aka "Ma" before then you are at a loss for a bunch of good stories. Let me tell you some things just recently said...

" I need a big ole dinner bell so I can ring it for the neighbors to come eat. No, I'd just ring it for the heck of it so when they come out to see what's going on, I can tell them to go on home."
(Preface: we made fried salmon patties the other day she says to me two seconds ago...) "Jessica I want you to know, those salmon sucked. I took a bite of one of them patties and bit down on a big ole bone".
There are a plethora of stories I could tell you that would make you laugh your head off and probably roll your eyes.. but you've gotta love her.

Church was good and I took a nap and started reading East of Eden. That is the extent of my day. Goodbye.

I was scared...

2011-04-23T20:41:00.001-07:00

I have never seen anything like this and if I did I think I would pass out flat on the floor or sit in a stupor and get taken away with the wind. The first night I was back at home on Tuesday night there was a thunderstorm. I woke up to hear some thunder and see lightning and this awful rain/hail banging on the window. I woke up and said-- HAIL! And then ran to my grandma's room and crawled in the bed with her. And then... my mom decided to follow. My Grandma is just sleeping through it all because her bedroom doesn't let the slightest bit of sound through. Then on Wednesday night there was another storm but it wasn't as bad I could at least go to sleep. I've gotten out of the habit of hearing thunderstorms when other people are comforted I freak out because I haven't heard the sound of thunder or seen lightning in about a year. Really.

Today we went to my grandma's house to look through all of her stuff. My aunt told me to go look at the books down in the den and it took me forever to even look at them let alone try and arrange them off of shelves. I took the ones I wanted and I'm going to start East of Eden by Steinbeck here shortly. My grandpa had a weed whacker/ edger a "2 in 1" in the shed so I took that so I can play with it and make the yard look pretty. I've got a lot to do the next week while I'm at home to get this place looking like summer.

Well I guess I'm going to go read now. Happy Easter!!!

I feel like this:

2011-04-22T11:09:00.001-07:00

I feel like this. Okay-- not really but I kind of looked like it. Minus the old-timey clothes and that scarf on my head and a dress Lord help us. I've been pullin up weeds this morning and throwin the dirt around. Found a bunch of ants under a brick thing and wrote down a list of stuff that I need to buy for the yard. I'm in great mind to do some landscaping to this backyard and the front. Gonna hedge the bushes, plant some tomatoes, lay some mulch. Like I told you, every time I come home my accent comes out in speech and in typing. I hope you can interpret well. Well I'm itchy and expecting a sunburn to show here shortly.

P.S. Madea's Big Happy Family come out tonight!

Plan of Salvation.

2011-04-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

This is the world. We are all familiar with its workings. The continents and oceans, animals of the air, earth, and water, the seasons and the weather. We don't remember when we came to this Earth and we don't remember what our first memory was of it. It seems as if randomly in time we were placed upon this globe to live and came to parents who raise us and teach us the things we need to know to survive.
But the truth is, we existed before we came to this Earth. We knew of a life with our Heavenly Father before we came here. We are His children! Our Spirits have merely come to Earth and become clothed with a mortal body.

Throughout life I have often looked up at the sky and wondered, "I'm stuck in this globe and I can't get out of it... unless I get in a rocket and shoot myself out of the atmosphere". I remember looking up at the sky and thinking to myself that I don't remember the first time I realized I was on Earth. It's like a continuum of something that I am already familiar with. As we experience the death of loved ones and close friends we often ask ourselves "Where do we go after we die?". It is a mystery to the world where we go after death. We don't know how death feels, we don't know what to expect because we haven't gone through anything like it before. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we will never see our loved ones again. They are lost forever. I testify to you that this is NOT true!

Our Savior Jesus Christ has atoned for the sins of the world. Through this Atonement he allowed all of us to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father because He made up the difference in the perfection that we lack. On the cross at Calvary he bled and died for each one of us so that we might live again. He broke the bands of everlasting death and hell and gave us the hope and promise of eternal life. I KNOW this is TRUE! I know that as Jesus was placed into the Garden Tomb he was laid to rest by his close friends. On the Third Day he was resurrected and had risen from the dead. His life is a testimony of the Plan of Salvation! His life reveals to us exactly where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. We know what happens after we die because of His resurrection and the physical proof that we will be reunited with our bodies after we die.

I have always asked myself why I feel no emotion at funerals. I can tell you it might be because I have been to so many or it might be because of my firm and solid testimony in the truth of the Plan of Salvation. I know it is real. I know that if we will follow it and have faith in this plan that our lives will be full of happiness. We have reason to mourn but we have no reason to fear. We have reason to question but we have no reason to doubt. I know that my family can be together forever and I know that they are together right now. I can not wait for the day when we are all reunited and will dwell in the eternities forever. I thank my Savior, Jesus Christ every day for giving this precious gift to all of us.

Cracker Barrel

2011-04-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

I love my family. It's a little weird having one side that are members of the Church and the other side isn't but I've gotten used to the way that is. Well today we had the funeral for my grandma and I had to sing Fairest, Lord Jesus and How Great Thou Art and then I had to sing this song called "When all of God's Singers get home" with the preacher man. It was an experience. But the funeral was really good. Then we went to Cracker Barrel to eat lunch with my Aunt and cousins and my SISTER! haha I'm just excited to say that I actually got to hang out with her today. She's great and I'm glad that she came to the funeral and got to spend time with the family. It was good for all of us. And if she or any of my family reads this blog, I welcome her with open arms and I'll do all my best to make sure the family stays strong and together.

I got one essay done for my Anthropology final and by the tender mercies of the good Lord I was granted a day extension so I will have to wake up in the morning and get that essay written. Man-- this time being at home feels so weird because I feel rushed. Do your finals, write an essay, pack your clothes, hop on a plane, change in McDonald's, hop to the viewing, drive home and sleep and wake up early to go to the funeral home... you get it. It's just felt really rushed so that I can't really process the fact that my grandma is gone. I know she is, but you know what I mean. It will just take a while to realllly sink in. I'm looking forward to having this last essay done tomorrow and then I can sleep and read whatever I want to. But I'm not looking forward to it because it will take some stupid research and whatnot.

Well I guess I'm going to go now. I miss my friends in Provo :(
But I will be back soon enough.

Jessica

Following my Own Blog.

2011-04-18T23:25:00.001-07:00

I think I am a follower of my own blog? Weird it comes up in my dashboard. Anyway...

I got some rest and got those two finals done but I still have a lot to do. I have to write those two essays tomorrow on the plane and then type them out because they are due by 1 on Wednesday and I will have absolutely no time to work on them. It's a bittersweet feeling going home this time. I'm kind of sad that I won't be here to tell everyone bye when they leave at the end of the semester.

So let's talk about relationships. You might remember "Mr. Stick Man" who was mentioned a couple of posts earlier. Nothing has happened and probably won't but life goes on and I'm doing fine. I'm realizing more now that each of the guys that I associate with have all of these qualities that I like but some of them have more qualities that I like than others. So it's like I have to find this medium balance of a guy who gets as "close to the pinnacle of perfection" as possible. That's really about all I have to say about relationships. I'm just kind of stuck on deciding a few things and sorting things out in my mind.

Well I'm going to go make sure I have everything packed for tomorrow and that everything is ready to go when I roll out of the door at 4:30. Poor Candace, law she is a good one to help me out.

Jessica

Feeling Kind of.... Rushed

2011-04-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

So I am feeling rushed right now. I've got to take two finals, and then I have to write two essays by Wednesday at 1, pack my stuff and hop on a plane early in the morning to go home. Whew. It's a lot to do in a short amount of time.

I took my cousin and some friends to the Cannon today. Oh food, it was so good. I was mad they didn't have any fresh pineapple though but they did have strawberries I just didn't make my way over there so I ate vegetables instead. I should have gotten a banana. Darn it. I bought my grandma flowers for the funeral and hopefully they can make the arrangement at least half way comparable to what the online picture had on it. I talked to my Aunt for a few minutes and you could tell she was having a really hard time. She said that she kept seeing her in her head the way they found her. I admit, after my Dad first died I thought I would see him coming around the corner in the house and out of the foyer so I would sit there and watch the doorway from the bedroom whenever I would wake up during the night. And I would look in the reflection of the glass on the entertainment system to make sure no one was walking from that bedroom. It's a scary thing when you have images in your head that you can't seem to get out or get over. But now that I've grown older it still freaks me out but not as much as before. I understand the laws that spirits have to abide by and I know they can't come back to even "haunt" me.

So here is to my final that I am about to take then run to the health center and then take another final and I can do my essays at home and e-mail them in. Whew. I feel tired already.

jessica

Sad News.

2011-04-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

I was taking a nap today and my Mom called me. So I answered the phone and was really scared by the way she was talking. So I thought there was something wrong with her and she was on her way to the hospital or something. Then she told me that it was my grandma. My Grandma just had surgery on Thursday to remove an aneurysm on her heart. She was really scared about the surgery and was worried that something would go wrong. My Aunt sent out an e-mail and told us to call her before her surgery. So I called her the night before and told her that I had every confidence she would be fine. She came out of the surgery and the procedure went really well and she was doing really good. So she stayed in ICU for a night and then was released to come home. My Aunt stayed with her while she was recovering and helped her out around the house and stuff.

Well today my Aunt went home for 2 hours and tried to call my Grandma and she didn't answer so they went over to the house and found her unresponsive in the bathroom on the ground. So they called 911 and the HEMSI was there trying to get her to respond but she wouldn't. My grandma died.
We aren't exactly sure what happened yet, whether it was a blood clot, she hit her head.. we don't know. But I can tell you that I have no words to express how shocked and sudden this was. I didn't feel any emotions. I was talking to my Mom about that and she said that she thinks I've just learned to become numb when things like this happen. Which is probably true. I've been to so many funerals that it's crazy. I just think I've learned to keep on going. But I think that knowing the plan of salvation and knowing what life is all about is the driving force for what really keeps me going.

But I have decided that I want to live my life by being an example of Jesus Christ every day and in every way that I can. I'm not going to live my life and not let people know what I believe in. So I wrote my Aunt Kathy and Grandma a letter telling them my testimony and why I believe the things I believe. I am so glad that I wrote my grandma and let her know the truth about the gospel so that when she goes to the other side she can say to my Dad and Grandpa, Jessica wrote me this letter about the Church and they can say, it's true though. It's all true. Oh man. I can't wait to see them all on the other side! Death is a time of mourning and it's a time of rejoicing. It's a time of reflection and it's a time of togetherness. It's part of life and it's part of eternity but it only lasts for a small moment.

To all my loved ones who have passed: I love you.

Finals Week!

2011-04-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I don't even remember what my last post was about and why I said I was so smart. Honestly, I really don't remember so that means that my headache was either really bad or I was half asleep. Probably a mixture of both.

Well it is the beloved finals week! You know, each year I am at school I admit, I slack on finals week. I wait and wait and wait to study. But I think that's normal. A lot of people I have heard are doing the same thing. But I think this time it's because I only have three scheduled finals and all of my classes are pretty chill. They still require me to study but I don't feel a lot of intense pressure. Which is really good. But I can tell you I love the library during finals week. Everyone is sitting at a computer looking at powerpoint presentations instead of playing on facebook. Pens and Paper are used more during this week than any other day during the school year. People are sitting in groups trying to understand how the Genetic Code works and what mRNA does. At the moment I see people looking for their ID cards to print off something, a guy studying on Blackboard with all of his semester materials in front of him, and a girl with headphones in and a book open... multiply all of these things by 146467. It's going on everywhere on this campus. I LOVE IT! I love to see it! Because I know that people are actually trying to study and learn things so they can ace their finals. Whether or not grades are their motivating factor or if they really do want to learn, it's a beautiful thing. I told you, I am all about education and the learning process. There is something comforting about seeing a hundred other people doing the same thing you are doing. I wish I had some kind of scientific vision so I could see all of the brain activity that is going on inside every single person. That would be intense.

Oh how I love BYU, and I love finals week because it officially welcomes spring and summer. It welcomes the time where I can work all day and come home to read books. JOY!!!

I am so smart!

2011-04-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

I love being able to figure out technological things. So I just learned how to add a post divider to my blog! Look at the little owl. He's cute. Well right now I have a splitting headache on my right side so I can't really do anything. I'm going to head to bed now. See ya.

To Someone

2011-04-15T09:57:00.001-07:00

I know you hacked into my gmail account and ended up adding flags and tags to certain words in my blog. I hope you had fun but I deleted them all. If you do it again, I will just make another account. And if you are a computer generated hacker, I am smarter than you too.

If you don't like the work then just quit!

2011-04-12T19:11:00.001-07:00

Okay... so this might not be the best solution or way to handle tough situations. But I have a MAJOR pet peeve when people who have jobs don't do their share of the work. I work my tail off and there can be another person sitting on their rear doing a bunch of nothing. Heck no! That does not fly my friend. So they will put on this front that they know what they are talking about and act like they have worked real hard when really, I've seen them moping around and putting about 50% in. I dislike and don't admire these people. Personally, I know what it feels like to not enjoy your job. I know what it's like when you don't want to shove another ten chicken fingers in a fryer or rake another hundred leaves. I know what it's like to have your arms and legs ache from walking all day and your mind drained because you have been entering numbers into a computer for an hour double checking your deposit is right. And guess what? I kept doing my work because it was my job no matter how much I hated it. I thank my parents for teaching me how to do hard things and to follow through with my commitments. So to those of you who cry and weep and complain over your work and who don't like what you do because it isn't "fun" I say to you, SUCK IT UP! Seriously. I'm tired of hearing you say how much you dislike your job and seeing you slack off. I'm tired of you being the one that gets praised when I really see what you are doing and you act like you deserve it all. If you do your job and you're invested, I'll like you and I'll admire you and I will probably even get along with you. If you don't measure up to this most likely I won't have very nice feelings toward you. So maybe you need to change your attitude and maybe I need to change my attitude about you having the attitude that you have. I almost just want to tell you to go big or go home. Whew.

Saturday Morning

2011-04-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

Well I woke up early this morning to do a 5k that I had registered for. It was on campus and was the Commit to Virtue 5k. It was hosted by a club called Students that Oppose Pornography. I wasn't too happy with my placing but I was able to finish the whole thing in a decent amount of time. For a bum knee I think I did pretty good.

At the end they gave us a banana and water and some granola bars if we wanted them. They had an organization there that was anti-pornography that focused on overcoming addictions. They handed out books that were written by a neurologist that studied the effects of pornography on the human brain. It's actually a pretty big issue in today's society if you haven't noticed it already.

I'm sure that a lot of you actually know people who have viewed or do currently view porn. They may be your friends, leaders, teachers, or even your family members. I know that these encounters have happened to me. I have seen families on the verge of separation because of it. I have seen relationships broken and ruined because of a lack of trust and commitment. I've seen how young men have had to give up serving missions and getting married in the temple because of their issues. Pornography is an addiction, it is a disease of the mind and soul. It creates a fake sense of fulfillment. What many don't know is that it takes months, even years to overcome this addiction. Out of all of the people that I have seen suffering from pornography, I have seen many who have turned their lives around by using the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As they turned their lives toward God they found hope, healing, and reassurance. I feel that we should all do our best to inform others of the terrifying effects of pornography so we can arm ourselves against the powers of the adversary.

Jessica

Carpenters of God

2011-04-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to see the BYU Singers and Concert Choir in concert. I went to their Christmas concert and it was really good and their Spring concert was a success as well. There was something about the tone of the Concert choir that I absolutely loved. I closed my eyes and seriously, my head was swaying to the music and my eyebrows were raising up and down. Which is a good thing because it's almost as if I'm singing with them in my head.

I loved the blend and tone quality and the ability that both choirs had to stay in tune during sustained notes. That takes a lot of breath support and mind power.

Click here to see the video!!!

The last song the choirs sang together was called "Carpenters of God". I absolutely loved the message that the song passed along to its listeners. I started reflecting on my life while they were singing these words. The Lord has blessed me with the gift of discernment. And just as of late I've been able to acknowledge that gift and use it more fully in my life. All of the things that I have learned by the Spirit are shaping my character. I am able to become stronger in many areas as I look to the Lord for strength and guidance. I was reminded about the analogies of sandpaper being the mean people in life... they may scratch you and rub you the wrong way, but in the end you will be polished and beautiful.. and the sandpaper will just be worn out and ugly. Or how the Lord refines us through trials and we become more polished.

This song made me realize that I do have the power to fight off Satan. I recognize and understand that I am the only one who can act for myself. I make choices each day and I should be making the choice to stay far from the adversary and "drench" and "cement" him. I'm better than Him and he knows it. The song also reminded me of the seminary song "Zion's camp..." Which reminds me I have to find some kind of hand out about Zion.....

My Job...

2011-04-06T23:19:00.000-07:00

Is the bomb. Seriously, I feel so blessed to have the job that I do. I have realized I don't do well in offices. I don't like sitting there and doing the same thing and not getting to socialize with people that much. Now being outside, that is where it's at! I've got a great boss who has a crazy sense of humor and I work with a great crew of guys. They are all so much fun and have all kinds of personalities.. but I really like being able to see how people work together in some not so fun situations. Now some people would think that pulling weeds and throwing mulch is a dirty and boring job. But I like getting dirty and I like smelling like grass and having dirt on my clothes. It shows that I really dug into my job that day.

Tomorrow I have dinner group. I have no idea what I am going to make... it will just be some kind of surprise.. haha I really just don't know. Chicken, rice, and whatever else I can find.. I feel like throwing stuff on the table and saying, "Make whatever you want on your plate with this stuff".

Friday night I got at ticket to see the BYU Concert Choir and BYU Singers. I have to go for my University Chorale class and write a paper about it, but I love both groups. They have amazing talent and I really enjoy the blend that is found in the Singers.

My cousin is coming on Saturday to stay for a while so that will be fun. Whew. I'm just glad school is almost over.

General Conference

2011-04-04T01:40:00.000-07:00

Each year I find something in Conference that makes me come away with a stronger testimony of my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. This year happened to be the 75th anniversary of the Church Welfare Program. I had NO idea!! I absolutely love the Welfare Program and everything that it has to offer. It truly is the Lord's way of giving. I am sure that I have already blogged about this but I felt like I needed to focus on self-reliance in Relief Society this semester. I wasn't really sure if it was my personal desire to focus on this or if it was a prompting from the Lord. So I decided I would hold off on preparing my lesson until I was sure that it was the right topic. I debated over Forgiveness, The Second Coming, I think I was even going to talk about marriage... I attended a Stake Leadership Training the month before my lesson and our Relief Society Presidency talked about Self-Reliance and how we should learn to live provident lives and prepare ourselves. I knew then that this was the topic that the Lord did want me to discuss with my Sisters. It was amazing how I decided to teach on the Good Samaritan was the exact same story shared by our Stake President. I found a video that President Monson had narrated that focused on the story of the Good Samaritan in light of being self-reliant and extending service to others. I knew again that I was on the correct path in preparing for this lesson. The Sunday came for me to talk about self-reliance, the lesson was taught and I feel that the basic principles of self-reliance were covered and discussed.

This General Conference many of the leaders directed their messages toward welfare and self-reliance. Again, I knew that I was inspired in some way to prepare the sisters and myself to have a basic knowledge of this principle. I know that this topic was not an idea that came into my mind by mere coincidence. Self-Reliance was a topic spoken of my General Authorities just this weekend! Though we may not know exactly why we are led in a certain path we can always tell when our path is approved by the Lord. If I gained anything from this interesting set of intertwining reaffirmations it was that God lives. He does hear and answer our prayers and He is greatly aware of our current stations in life. He knew I needed to choose a topic for my lesson that was necessary for the sisters in my ward and he gave me the hope to pursue a path that would prove successful. And I have been able to recognize his Hand in my life as I have constantly sought out his help and Divine Assistance.

I know that God lives and I have learned how to recognize when my chosen path is in accordance with God's will. Things will fit together and manifestations of approval will appear if we know what to look for. General Conference was great and I learned a lot about how I need to improve and what I need to be prepared for. Text comes out on Thursday so I'll be reading it!!!

Mr. Stick Man

2011-04-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

Mr. Stick man is going to be a code name for a person I want to tell you about. It seems that people like to post their "personal" thoughts and feelings on their blogs, and I don't like to do that all the time because anyone and everyone can reach my page. Anyway.... on to the meaning of this post.

I have known this stick man for a couple of years now. He's a great guy and has a great personality-- even though he can be quirky sometimes. But let me tell you, our relationship is a bit awkward. It has only been lately that we have been able to talk like we are two intelligent human beings and express our true thoughts and opinions to each other. Before this, it was a "hello" and a run in the other direction or stare at you in the face and say nothing.

I never ran- mind you. So this stick man has always been there in some way or another. He's got everything going for him but I can't quite seem to figure him out!!! Hint: NO ONE CAN!!! He's like this puzzle that is missing a new piece every time I am around him.

I've gone out with Mr. Stick Man a few times and enjoyed myself but never came back saying, "OH MY GOSH THAT WAS THE BEST DATE OF MY LIFE!!! HE IS SO MUCH FUN!". Maybe I didn't have the right attitude, maybe I was scared, or maybe I just felt awkward. You know-- dates can be awkward. But the more I was around the stick guy I was able to kind of understand his personality. I've argued with him, I've been mad as crap at him, I've seen him mad at me, he's hurt my feelings, and he's scared me half to death BUT I've seen him come to help me at the drop of a hat, I've seen him open up to me and talk to me when I was the one who had a problem and I've seen his patience when I couldn't express myself. I've read things that he's written without an author and smiled because I've been able to figure things out. I've heard him say "I'm sorry" when he said something wrong, take the time to do a favor and let me put all of my trust in him while he does it, he makes time to stay in touch. He's teachable, enthusiastic, and yearns for knowledge. But Mr. Stick Man doesn't know all of the things that I know-- He doesn't know that I remember the little things. And he doesn't know that every time he does something that I don't like I forgive him almost instantaneously.

So this is the ode to Mr. Stick Man. You can try to figure out who he is all you want. But the chances are you've probably only seen him. You don't really know him.

Cupcakes

2011-04-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

I want cupcakes at my Bridal Shower. A cupcake tower instead of a cake. And I thought about having a cupcake tower instead of a cake at my wedding. But that wouldn't go over well with my family.. they want cake. I am watching a cupcake show and that is the first thing I thought of. ha.

I woke up this morning at 8 and saw this flour/baking soda crap on the floor by the door and I thought this is the lamest April Fool's joke ever. seriously. so I swept it up and it was like it never happened.

4 of my roommates went up to Ogden for conference weekend. So it's just me and Nicole in the apartment for the weekend. Woo! I guess I just like being with the smallest amount of people in the apartment... at times I like all 6, but toward the end of the semester I've noticed I just like the solitude. Your dealing with finals and trying to study and keep your cool with school. And I like the apartment clean. First off, because if anyone comes to visit the house is clean and secondly, because cleanliness invites the spirit. And I can tell I'm more at peace when it is clean. So I think everyone should have this attitude and find the time to clean the place when they can. And be respectful enough to not mess it up two hours later. Seriously. I would never do that to you.

Winter-itis

2011-03-31T22:37:00.000-07:00

Which could mean "inflammation of winter". I think that is what the -itis medical terminology translates into. Anyway... we have roughly three weeks left of school counting exams. I just don't want to do any of my schoolwork!!

I am considering when I should go back to work... it depends on what we are doing tomorrow if I can do anything or not but I feel like I should start going back at least on Monday. It's awkward to not go.....

Physical Therapy today kicked my rear! I think that is why I am so dog tired. I just want to lay my head on my pillow and go to sleep. Those scooter crawls or whatever are not fun. And that bike has an uncomfortable seat. But I want my own electrode machine.

General Conference is this weekend so it will be fun. But I have a lot to do this weekend too. Tomorrow I am going to get a bunch of homework done. And then I need to plan out when I am taking tests and when I am going back to work and stuff.

Whew I am tired I am going to crawl into my bed now.

To my Friend Erik:

2011-03-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

I told you I would write a post about you. I like your argyle sweater vest and your black and gray hoodie. And I think you are weird because you don't use sponges for more than one purpose. You are a boy, and boys and girls are both dumb. I remember when we went to get frozen yogurt with those liquid filled fruit things. We have to sing/play piano again next month. And my finger is numb. I LOVE YOU!

Congratulations to my Finger.

2011-03-30T15:46:00.000-07:00

You are now free from a rather awkward piece of baggage!

I had surgery yesterday to remove some scar tissue on my finger that had been growing since high school. Let's just say the last thing I remember was them saying, scoot onto this bed. And I did and that was all that I remember. And I remember waking up to them saying, "You are in the recovery room" and Sister Wood was beside me. She said I didn't talk loopy so that was good.

I spent the night in the Bishop's basement last night just so I could have some peace and quiet and I got up this morning at 7:42!! I miss going to work and I feel like I have a lot of school work to get done. Whew. I'm just trying to do my best with these six fingers I use to type. Surgery was fun though, an IV and a blood pressure cuff that liked to squeeze my arms for a good twenty minutes after the surgery was over. But I go back monday to get a new bandage and I don't remember if they said this or not, "to get stitches out". I don't know if I have them or not. haha

Well got to go do a facial with my friend Kel-Kel.

Easter Seasons

2011-03-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

We had our Easter fireside tonight and it was good. I really enjoyed the musical numbers and the Mormon Messages that were shown. However, there is one Mormon Message that always gets to me each time I see it. You know when you see something and you just have this realization that there is more to life than you know? That you need to be a little better? And at the same time you feel this overpowering amount of love coming from the Heavens and descending upon you? Yeah that is what this video does to me.

So it's called "My Joy is Full". Click on the title to be linked to the vid.

Like I posted before I really tried to read about the trial and crucifixion of Jesus Christ so I could better understand what I was singing about. I can tell-- at least from my end-- that it really helped me to gain a greater testimony of what the Savior did for me. He was so humble, so innocent and submissive. When angry crowds ripped his clothes and left him standing humiliated he did not weep, he let them do those things because he loved them. It always amazes me to think that the Savior died for me and I admit, sometimes I don't fully comprehend it and understand that the wounds on his hands and feet were made because Christ offered himself as a sacrifice for all of us. But I am grateful for my Savior, for his atoning sacrifice and for the love that he shows me each day. I know that I will never be alone in this life because Christ will always be beside me if I live worthy of his companionship.

Movies.

2011-03-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

We all know that Matt Damon is "Jason Bourne". We're used to seeing him in action movies where he smacks the crap out of people with n

ewspapers and strangles them with foreign objects. So me and some of my friends watched this movie tonight. It's called "Hereafter". Let me tell you. Save yourselves! Do not watch it. Because it moves the pace of a snail, Matt Damon doesn't even have a really great role (which made me wonder why he even took it in the first place)

, nothing is really connected... Not one of Clint Eastwood's best movies. We seriously sat there at the end and wondered why we wasted time watching it. You can take your chances and watch it and then share your opinion, if you have somet

hing different than mine I want to know how you arrived there.

On the flip side, I did watch this movie today called "Stomp the Yard: Homecoming" or something like that. If you've ever seen the movie "Drumline" it's almost like that-- but with dancing and more drama. I'm a fan of Drumline, I'm a fan of just about any movie that has some kind of dancing in it where they compete... st

uff like 8 Mile (TV version please-- no rated

R things).. you know. So I was pleasantly surprised with this movie. However, the ratings said that the first "Stomp the Yard" was a lot better and that the plot in this one was awful. So I have added the first one to my dvd list and I will watch it to compare.

Then I started this movie called "Uncle P". It's got Master P in it. Basically it's a movie about a mom who has three kids, they aren't that well off. The Mother has some health problems and then Uncle P who is a successful and famous entertainer comes to take care of them. Master P talked so slow, the little girl just about drove me insane, I had to cut it off. So you can take your pick with that too.

Utah Changed me.

2011-03-23T19:53:00.001-07:00

Before I came to Utah I wore Sperrys. In fact, everyone in the state of Alabama that was in high school or college wore Sperrys. You can wear them with multicolored skirts, shorts of various colors, Sunday outfits, and jeans. Sperrys go with just about anything that matches. They are comfortable and stylish and have that "preppy and classic" look. I wore them all the time in high school even though they do cost a pretty penny. At one time I had three different pairs.

In middle school and high school I shopped at this clothing store. In fact, our Goody's looked very much like this one here below. I didn't really like all of the clothing- in fact some of it looked down right cheap. But the accessories were always proven to be great. And when they had clearance I took advantage of those prices. I didn't really find any shoes there, purses and dresses sometimes and some shirts... but this is about where I shopped. And the gap, if you want to say that.

Now, I live in Utah. On the West Coast. Everyone is unique and has their own taste and style but some people I think get "sucked" into the Utah style. Skater shoes, classic high tops, brightly colored hoodies, red streaks and blue streaks in the hair... fohawks, mullets, you name it, Utah's got it. So I started shopping at PacSun when I was a Sophomore in College. I owe it to the influence of a friend and same great sales on shirts. It's the kind of look I would have said that punks and surfers wore when I lived back home.

The classic Vans. I hated Vans for a while. I thought they were the ugliest creations in the shoe industry. Well, I was looking at the wrong style of Vans. The sneaker is cute, comfy and goes with just about anything that fits into the color hue. Or you can pair it with something that isn't in its same color spectrum and have a rockin pop outfit. So I invested in my first pair of Vans last semester that look exactly like the ones below. Cute huh? I never thought I would wear Vans or like boys who wear Vans, but I guess I fell into the West Coast style.

I also experiment with bright colored eye shadow, different color shirts and flats, and try just about anything on at a store that looks half way decent. My jewelry is very random, modern, and classic at the same time and I love it. But for the record, I've only done the Utah "poof" with my hair once and I do not have my hair blonde.

2011-03-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

This is Jimmer Fredette.

As you all know, he is one of the best guards in the country right now. Which is a huge accomplishment for any athlete. Nominated the player of the year in the NCAA, his points per game are limitless. He can shoot from any angle and from any position on the court, by what seems as a flick of the wrist. How does Jimmer do it you ask? I don't know.

I am not a Jimmer hater, but I am not a Jimmer Fanatic. I love the fact he has aspirations and wants to do something worthwhile with his life. It seems that a lot of students on BYU campus have fallen into this "Jimmer-Mania" craze. See pictures for examples:

I got tired of looking through the plethora of pictures and signs.... just take those two and multiply their existence by 1000. It's a little over the top.

Don't get me wrong. Jimmer is a great guy. He was in my ward at Church when I first moved into my apartment complex and I had NO idea who he was. I was used to introducing myself to everyone and I was going to introduce myself to him one day but all of these girls kept flocking to him. Little did I know, he was a basketball star. But I still don't think knowing that fact would have made me go crazy over his very presence. I've always had a fascination with the term "famous" or "celebrity". What makes them so different than anyone else? They have their own problems and relationships. They face their own trials and dilemmas in life. But in the end they always seem to have their faces plastered on magazines and are quoted all over the news. I just ask myself all the time-- do I really want to go crazy for a person I don't know? Do I laud their name (not speaking directly of Jimmer) without knowing what they really stand for? We may think we know someone from the things that they have said and the way that they live their lives but in the end we don't really KNOW them. We like them for something they do that we can't that somehow makes them awesome. I think the concept of a "celebrity" is always interesting.

For the record, I love BYU Basketball. The team is composed of many talented individuals who live moral lives and are passionate about the sport that they play. They want to make the school look good and do their best to be missionaries for the Church at the same time. It's quite an amazing task that comes with a lot of responsibility and integrity. I applaud them.

In the end... I'm just a hater of band-wagon Jimmer fanatics. You know who you are.

I want a leaf blower.

2011-03-22T17:32:00.001-07:00

Since I got to operate a leaf blower today at work, I left work thinking, "Man, I really want a leaf blower!" So when I have my own house, I will have a leaf blower. I will use it to not only blow leaves, but grass, and other yard clippings, and maybe the occasional pesky animals that find their way into my yard.

EASTER

2011-03-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

My Mom used to sing this song every Easter that went something like "Here comes Peter Cottontail hoppin' down that bunny trail... Hippity-Hoppity Easter's on its wayyyy". Yeah just imagine hearing my Mom singing it. haha Then she would pat me on the head. Seriously.

Sometimes I miss being a kid. And being able to put my Easter basket out and see what the bunny brought me. I always got a stuffed animal and some easter egg gum, creme filled eggs, and peanut butter eggs. And then there is always the dreaded Maple Creme Egg, strawberry creme egg, the things that Mom randomly picks from the shelf even though she knows I might not want them.

Sadly, Mom said she has already given me my Easter candy... I'm sad. That means no Easter animal.

But this Easter is at the end of April. Forever away.... but we are having our Stake Easter Fireside on Sunday. I'm singing a song called "Greater Love" from Women at the Well. It's a good song that tells if we would be willing to offer up our lives like Jesus Christ did for all of us. Whenever I sing a song, I always try to learn more about it and really gain a testimony of the words that I'm singing. I can always feel when someone is passionate about the song they are signing and when they have put a lot of thought into conveying the message. I've always striven to do that whenever I sing. So in order to prepare I'm reading chapters 18-20 in the book of John. It tells about Christ's betrayal by Judas and Simon Peter, when he was crucified, and resurrected. All of these things are a part of my song but I really want to gain a greater understanding of Christ's suffering "more tears for his sorrow, more pain at his grief..." I want to have a greater sympathy and appreciation for Jesus Christ and the sacrifices He made for me.

Think about what you want to do this Easter season.

A trip down memory lane...

2011-03-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

One of my good friends in the ward and I decided we wanted to hang out tonight. It was so much fun because it reminded me of Summer and all of the fun we had together!! School usually takes up a lot of time for the both of us even though we serve together in Church.

We played hand and foot- a card game for a while. And then we talked about movies-- and then we took a Trip to Blockbuster and she rented a movie and I looked around and was tempted to buy something. And then we went up to the Mt. Timpanogas Temple but it was gated already because it was almost midnight. So then we drove back and talked and stuff.

She's always been there for me. When I was going through a really hard time last year she was there for me and we went to the Mt. Timpanogas Temple because we didn't know where else to go in American Fork. I'll always love her for that. For allowing me to just talk and spend my time away from the house in the world.

I have a job!

2011-03-16T01:20:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for a job for about.... let's see.... since Christmas break. I've had over 15 interviews. I've dressed up in a variety of skirt/dress/slacks combinations. I've shaken hands with a million people and talked about myself two to three times a week. I've interviewed to be a secretary, receptionist and a lab technician that takes off rat heads. I was never offered a single position but was always the "second place" contestant. I have went back for three interviews at the same job only to be called an hour later to hear, "they went with someone else".

I was continuing on my journey of job applications yesterday and I applied to be a Garden Helper on the Grounds Crew. I have experience in picking weeds, gardening, planting flowers, and digging in dirt, you know... I did all of that when I was a kid and more. I went back on the site today to apply for some more jobs and make sure I had the right locations written down to turn my resumes in to. I had a message that someone had responded to my inquiry, it was next to Grounds: "Contact us for an interview". So I called the number for an interview, I went in and was hired on the SPOT! I have to get my e-mail saying I'm authorized to work and then do three steps and then I will get to start working!! My shift is the morning shift and I'll be working on South Campus. But at least I have a job, and I get to work outside! And during the Spring/Summer I can work full-time. So that means I can play outside all day!

I have always loved working outside because:

1. You feel dog-tired after working all day outside

2. You come away feeling like you have been productive

3. Your muscles ache and burn which is a sign that you put your day's work in

4. You get tan

5. You get to dig in the dirt

6. You get to breathe in fresh air

7. And you get to get dirty

See-- a perfect job! I'm so stoked. And they said it's a really fun crew so that's good. Whew. Just a relief to not have to search anymore. I'm still kind of shocked that I got hired right on the spot so it seems like I made a quick decision but I was planning on an interview---- congrats to me.

2011-03-15T01:28:00.001-07:00

I had no homework tonight so I took a nap from 8 something until 10. PM Mind you. I am weird indeed. I went to help a friend with his paper and then I came home and ate a sucker.

I've been reading CNN.com and articles about random things for the past hour. I just read an article today about this man who was a Pastor's son who had all of these people convinced that if they participated in a sweat lodge ritual they would receive spiritual enlightenment. Well-- those people were unconscious, disoriented, and even dead. It's a crazy story that happened in Arizona back in 2009. That's when I'm glad I have the Gospel. I don't have to go off to some kind of "Enlightenment Camp" to receive revelation and be enlightened. I can do that any hour of the day. At any place.

Oh, my knees-- I most likely tore an ACL in both of them. My knee caps are't aligned. I am more prone to injury and my knee cap slipping. I have to go to physical therapy and then if my knee doesn't get better I have to get an MRI. Oh the joys of having bad knees. But I can bike, and swim and run straight. So that means I can run this summer! Good.

Still looking for a job-- hopefully I'll be turning in two or three applications tomorrow.

Well I'm going now. Maybe I can go to sleep.

Jessica

I am convinced that Life is Good.

2011-03-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

That is my Motto. "Life is Good". I should get one of the back packs that says, "Life is Good". Because seriously, it is. It really is.

And I'm convinced that your life is dependent upon the attitude that you choose to have.

We can take the challenges thrown at us and think of them as stumbling blocks or stepping stones.

I've chosen to believe that all of my trials can help me to be a better person. Even though things are hard, I know that with my testimony and foundation of Jesus Christ, all things are possible.

I really enjoy Sundays. I enjoy the time I have to reflect upon my life and the things that I need to change and the ways that I need to be better. I can't wait until school is over so I can sit back and read things that will help me to be a more well rounded and better person. That is why I love reading because of all the things I learn.

Jessica

The Youth of the Church

2011-03-12T00:33:00.000-08:00

I am forever impressed by the strength that the Youth of the Church have today to stand up for what is true and right.

Looking back on my teenage years, I always tried to do what was right amidst all of the temptation in the world. But I think-- could I have done more? Could I have shared the gospel in more ways than I did in High School? Could I have invited my friends to church on Wednesday night or Sunday? What was it that held me back?

I think now, I have changed. When I got to college I realized that I have a duty on this Earth and that is to share the gospel with everyone I come in contact with. A Church Leader said that he wanted to share the gospel with everyone so that when he passed to the other side his associates would not say, "You knew all along why didn't you tell me?" That is such a huge responsibility placed upon each member's shoulders. Sharing the Gospel. Sometimes I wonder if we really take that responsibility as something we have committed to do.

My Dad's family are not members of the Church. My Dad was a convert two years before he married my Mom. His parents were not too happy about his decision. But knowing my Dad, I'm pretty sure he drilled every question he could think of to those missionaries that taught him. And he had to have his questions answered or he wouldn't have joined, but I'm sure that with questions that weren't answered the Holy Ghost was able to fill in those gaps.

So to the Youth of the Church, I applaud your efforts, your zeal, your commitment to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I see how hard you work in school, with your friends, and in the Church. When people make fun of you for being Mormon, you rely upon your testimony to sustain you through those times of trial. I see the sacrifices you make for the Church-- not going to parties on Sunday, staying away from clubs or groups that your friends are in because you know that are inappropriate, early morning seminary, Wednesday night church and 3-4 hours on Sunday.

It's a lot for a teenager to take on. But I know that if you do all of the things that you are supposed to do you will be blessed! The Lord has marvelous things in store for you and he needs YOU! To be strong and immovable. To choose the right at all times. He needs you to share His Gospel. And you are doing it by following the commandments and being who you are meant to be. Who you really are. I'm impressed and I want to be more like you.

Perhaps we can all learn to be better examples and to stand up for what we believe in.

Jessica

Earthquakes in Japan

2011-03-11T00:56:00.000-08:00

I've probably mentioned before that I'm an avid CNN watcher and reader.

Well my good friend posted on facebook that there was an earthquake in Japan. I thought he was just posting old news because that had hurricanes this week already. But he meant RIGHT NOW.

So I jumped on to cnn.com and read the Breaking News Headline that said, "8.9 magnitude earthquake in Japan". So I scooted to the living room and turned on channel 35 to watch CNN's updates. And then I turned on 34 to Fox News who was giving video stream and pictures of the damage. And then channel 36, HLN, we all know that is a bunch of nothing was talking about Breaking news too, but it was trash.

All I can say is the amount of natural disasters in the world today is doubling and tripling every year. It seems like earthquakes and floods, tornadoes and snow storms, are happening more frequently than I have ever seen them happen before. And no doubt, they will get worse.

All I know is--- we better be prepared. Think about it.

Smells bring back Memories

2011-03-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that certain smells bring back memories? I'm sure you've thought that Apple Pies smells like Grandma's house and certain old musty places smell like Grandma's house.

Well today I smelled this coconut shampoo and it reminded me of the Summer of 07. When I worked up at the Ice Rink and had to go over to the Water Park and work the slides. Oh that was such a fun time. Seriously. People would get stuck in their tubes and I would have to push them down. And I would almost fall in. That would have been so annoying if I had fallen in. And then I had to operate the switch at the Toilet Bowl slide. You know the one where they slide down and go around in this huge thing and fall into 8 ft of water? yeah.. and I would wait for the guy at the bottom to hit the light so I knew to send someone else down.

That shampoo brought back a lot of memories. A summer that I will never forget, Actually.

Between hosing down the whole entire concession stand and getting water in the electrical outlet behind the coke machine. The 5-6 inches of water that was standing in the slope of the floor in the front of the cooking area. Red Gatorades and Chicken fingers. The Summer storm where we ate lunch with the front doors open. Bobbie's watermelons... ah. haha So many memories from Point Mallard. It was a great job- I learned a lot about how to work with others but more importantly, who I wanted to be.

2011-03-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

I decided that I am going to start the Personal Progress Program again! But I'm going to use the online system because it's convenient for me and easier to track. PLUS- it's COOL!

I've been having a hard time lately dealing with patience or tolerance I guess you should say. I know that everyone has the right to be themselves at all times. I don't want to take that away from anyone. I enjoy diverse personalities and talents. BUT I think I am beginning to see the difference in being an only child as I grow older. At times, I can't tolerate a lot of noise or squealing. I don't do well with talking about things that will never happen because they aren't realistic and people just dream them up in their head. I find that I like being alone and having solace more than being around people in the house all the time.

But let me tell you this. I LOVE PEOPLE. I love them because they bring joy to my life and help me to progress to become a better person. Situations at college train you for the life that you will have in the future. A Husband who may do things that grate at your nerves, children who are loud and squealing and mess up the whole house. But there is beauty in that. It's life, it's the pure creation of experiences and memories and lessons.

I guess I need to learn how to tune people out and let people just do their thing while I do mine. So if that means that Hilary Weeks and Deseret Music CDs will be busting in my ears so I can think good thoughts while tuning people out, I'll have to do that.

Jessica

In the Library.... on SATURDAY

2011-03-05T15:48:00.000-08:00

Let's go back to the year 2009- Fall Semester. Let's go back to 6:00am every day M-F. Let's go back to 7:30am. I was in the library. I had class at 8. Can you believe I woke up that early to come get on a computer and do homework? I was crazy. Well- it's productive nevertheless but still.
After Fall 2009, I vowed I would never go back to the library ever.

Well it is the year 2011- Winter Semester. And I wake up at 10:00-10:30 MWF and 9:00 TTh.
And today is Saturday and I woke up at 9:30 and here I am in the library. I have been here since about 12 and it is currently 5. I have gotten two assignments completed. And one to work on.

BUT I miss my bed and my nice pillow. So I am going to go home and do my last assignment sitting on my bed. And then I am going to go to sleep. Because I deserve it.

My favorite Poem.

2011-03-05T01:08:00.001-08:00

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me.

Black as the pit from pole to pole.

I thank whatever gods may be

for my unconquerable soul.

In the fail clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years,

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

Ocean Sounds

2011-03-04T23:12:00.000-08:00

P.S. have you noticed the new ocean sounds on the blog? I'm sure you feel like you are sitting on the coast!

I can't sleep without the fan on

2011-03-04T23:01:00.000-08:00

I came home today and changed clothes and headed to the Cannon Center for Dinner.

I got back and decided I was going to do no homework and watch movies. And... I fell asleep.

I ended up turning the movie off and sleeping, then to hear a voice ask if I was here and my door opened and my roommate said, "She's asleep". At first I was like whose voice is that? It sounds like my cousin's. And I tried to listen harder..... and then when I woke up a little more it was the voice of Barima. Who said-- don't wake her up. Awwww how nice of him. But then my door was left open and people were being loud. So I got up to shut it after they left.

Today was a good day. I had an interview with LDS Philanthropies and then I went to eat lunch and study. And then I went to choir and studied for my Family Finance test. Then I came home.. so I didn't go to any of my classes today but Choir. That happens a lot because it seems I always have so many papers to write I skip at least one or two a week. I have to find five more sources for my Bioethics paper and correct it for Brad (my TA) on Monday and then I have to write a 3 page essay for Anthropology... some kind of interview thing this week that is due on Monday. And my genetics homework is due on Wednesday. So it's a lot. And I'm looking for a job and constantly interviewing each week. Seriously over 15 just in this semester about one to two a week.

School is good though. Life is good. Mom's ticket is bought to come out in June. I had no idea she got promoted until she kind of told me today and said "I forgot who I told". Law have mercy.. Congrats to her. I had no idea.

Let's see.... the reason why I can't sleep without a fan on is because it makes my nose stop up. ha. I'm sure you wanted to know that.

Jessica

I AM SUPER STOKED!!!

2011-03-01T23:08:00.000-08:00

If you have been reading my blog, I just changed my major to School Health Education. Which means I can teach the things I love to learn about, Diseases, Injury and Violence, Addictive Substance Prevention, and most of all mentoring and caring for students at such a pivotal point in their lives.

I met with my advisor Cougar (yes that is his name) to go over some Program Requirements and plan out some classes and go over what is the best minor for me. Well let me tell you-- I love the program already!! So I'm taking a class this fall where I will be observing a classroom and seeing teaching methods and things like that for four weeks. This will allow me to get a feel for the profession and if it is something that I really want to do. I know that when I worked at the Boys and Girls Club for two years, I had to put up with some crap but those kids were in elementary school and barely started having attitudes and drama. Junior High and High School is a different story but I love drama-- well at least if it doesn't concern me.

So as far as my minor plans go, I wanted to minor in Environmental Science and then an advisor told me that wasn't an approved teaching minor.. So I started looking at other things. However, Cougar told me today that my plans were perfect and that I should go for them, at my own pace, and I would be totally marketable. So here is my plan that allows me to teach a variety of subjects, at two different levels, and in more than one location:

Major: School Health Education

Minors: Environmental Science, Geography Teaching

Endorsement: Integrated Biology

Look at all of that stuff!! It feels like so many doors have been opened for me. Honestly, I had no idea what I needed to do as a Biology Education major. It seemed like I would just be teaching Biology and people weren't really helpful with instructing me on what to do, plus I had that GPA requirement that sucked. Well I can tell you, I think nothing about Biology Education anymore because I will be teaching areas of Biology that I love, and instructing students on how to make their lives happier, and we threw in Geography because heck-- it sounded fun. So I'm three years away from graduating now 2014. Which is perfectly fine because I know that whatever happens to me in life, I can always fall back on the things I learned in college and the leadership skills I have gained.

I'm a red personality- so I usually take over as the authoritative role and the leader. I love interacting with students at different ages and getting to know them. The classroom can be crazy but I have complete faith that I will find ways to be creative and spark their imaginations and help them to be better people. Because with the Savior as the ultimate example and Master Teacher, I can do anything.

What is good about the South? Everything

2011-02-28T00:42:00.000-08:00

I was looking through some pictures on WHNT that people had taken of weather and nature and what not and I missed home so much! Sunsets are always prettier in Alabama. You feel that nice warm breeze coming through the trees the sky is a pink and orange hue and you can hear the birds and cicadas and crickets. You know, I remember being in my bedroom back at my old house and opening up the window when I was a kid and listening to the crickets chirp at night. You could look out off the deck and see pure blackness except for two lights that were from houses out there in the distance. And there was a shed that was part of the farmhouse in the field that had a light on it. I used to judge how hard the wind was blowing by the flickering of the lights.

So many memories are within me that have to do with the country. So many memories of Alabama and being a kid. I miss it. And who knows where life will take me, but if I end up there, it would be fine.

Well Shoot.

2011-02-23T22:56:00.001-08:00

I can't believe no one commented on those two beautiful men in their suits. I am sure you were speechless and had nothing to say.

Today was a good day. I slept in until 11, the third day in a row I've gotten to sleep in! So good!!!

Went to Choir, then went to Family Finance and turned in my assignment. Then I went down to the computer lab and found out that I had a worksheet due today for Anthropology and I had NO idea because it wasn't on the schedule.... anyway... I turned it in. Then I wrote my paper for my video write up and now I'm working on my essay that is due on Friday. I forgot how much I love organizing essays-- seriously, there is no sarcasm. I love essays. And I used to love research papers! I still do. I just think it's better than busy work.

Went to dinner group tonight and then I played BANG! at 10:00 and won the last round. It was so close though, I was the sheriff and I had one life left and the outlaw was going to kill me so I was trying to kill her and she had three lives! So I got a Wells Fargo and ended up getting a Duel, Bang and Indians and she was out of cards, so I WON!!! Hooray! Such good timing. I had no good cards.

My lesson is on Sunday and that is exciting. I hope I have everything that needs to be done. I just need to iron this tablecloth. I can't forget that.

Bioethics was a little confusing today I didn't say anything, I would rather listen because I find that I find it hard to separate my Religious beliefs from my ethical beliefs.

Jessica

Hello World: My name is Jessica.

2011-02-23T01:33:00.001-08:00

I love men in suits or a dress shirt and nice pants with a nice belt. I can remember everything a person was wearing and sometimes I judge guys by their clothes. Yes, I can be shallow.

And these are the men I think are beautiful-- at the moment.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

SHEMAR MOORE

Blogging AGAIN!

2011-02-21T00:54:00.000-08:00

I was reading a blog where the writer had put down things that she loved each day. And the first thing I thought of were things that I missed and I missed: Girls Camp.

When I get older, I would love to have a calling to go and work with the Young Women at Girls Camp. I loved every bit of it. The songs, lessons, morning devotionals, fires, staying up late in tents and cabins talking and singing, making up dances, not wearing makeup, treking through dirt and grass...

I remember my first year of camp. Our Camp Director had let us tie dye pillowcases and shirts and socks, whatever we wanted before camp. We went to Camp Jackson and I was in the tent with Kellee, and that's all I remember. It rained... and our tent roof collapsed so we had to move into different tents. I roomed with Victoria who was in my cousin Jonathan's ward at the time. It's crazy to think that's really how we became friends!! Camp was so good though. So good. And I have loved it ever since. I'm sad I don't get to go anymore-- sometimes growing up stinks.

Trying to Stay Happy

2011-02-21T00:37:00.000-08:00

You know how life is. It has its ups and downs. And just when you think you'll be happy for a long time a situation makes you mad, or sad, depressed, or irritated. How do you find that happiness again?

I had to give the lesson today in Relief Society and I told the girls how happy I was and how happy the gospel makes me and that I felt it throughout my body and spirit. And yet, this afternoon turned into me being irritated. I retreated to my quiet bedroom, and just wanted to be alone. And I wasn't happy. My whole demeanor changed, I could feel it. So the question I want answered is how can I STAY happy amidst unpleasant times? How can I bring that happiness back into my life? Obviously we know the answer is to find ways to have the Spirit with us. It's almost like something we have to learn over and over again. I did something to drive the Spirit away, now what things did I do in the past to bring His presence back? It's an interesting thing to think about.

So tomorrow, whether it is snowing or not. I will open the blinds, turn on the lights, play good music, straighten up my room and do my homework and be happy.

Jessica

Laser Tagging

2011-02-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

We went to play Laser Tag tonight. I only played once with my cousin Nathan at Southern Adventures a LONG time ago. And I didn't like it because I didn't know what was going on. But I love it!! However-- my gun did not work so it didn't hit anybody's sensors and I was in last place. So the manager gave me two free passes for thirty minutes at the Laser Tag place. A date, or take a friend. Sounds good to me.

This morning I wrote a paper for class and we went to the Temple with the ward. I did some family names so that was excited. There is such a peace that comes from being in the Temple.

Thought: Always remember that you aren't perfect and you always need the atonement.

Jessica

Changes and even MORE proof that life is GOOD

2011-02-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

So I decided that I'm going to change my major to.... (Drum Roll....)

School Health Education with a Minor in Environmental Science.

And I can take three more classes and be endorsed to teach Integrated Biology as well.

So there you go, this is what I am working toward now. With the minor almost completed and the major the only thing to focus on... I'm on my way to a teaching degree that I'm sure to enjoy. It encompasses mentoring, counseling, teaching about ecosystems and biomes, addictive substances, violence prevention, everything that I LOVE! And it can still get me on the road to being a Superintendent. I highly doubt I will do that, but I know that teaching is an amazing profession. Jesus Christ himself was a teacher. The Master Teacher. He still teaches us every day.

I just felt like the coursework in the Biology Education major was a little bit too boring for me. I don't enjoy genetics. I don't like the chemistry stuff.. even though I'm good at it, my mind inclines more toward hands on things instead of mind grasping concepts.. but most of the Biology classes I've taken already transfer to my minor. But let me tell you life is good. I woke up happy this morning, I was happy all day, I slept happy. The Spirit makes you happy and I know the decision I made is something that I want to do and no one else influenced me. It just feels like the right road to take.

Me and my roommate and a friend went to the Church Distribution center and I got a picture of our Temple back home in Birmingham. I miss home. And today when my advisor asked me if I was going to go back to Alabama to teach, I just responded, I don't know. I don't know if I would come to Utah and then just wander back to Alabama. I feel like I'm supposed to stay here and I have something to accomplish. The Lord is GOOD. I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ it makes me feel alive and motivated.

Today we are going to the Manti Temple for a Ward Temple Trip at 4:00 PM. I'm excited and I get to take my family names!

Jessica

WinCo

2011-02-16T00:29:00.000-08:00

WinCo is not a good place for me to go. First off, they have cheap prices and a lot of food. They have the serve yourself bins of candy that is seriously like a dollar something a pound.

Their drinks are cheap and you get to bag your own groceries!

I always wanted to be a bagger and work in a grocery store. I know--don't judge.

Things are coming together for my lesson at the end of the month. I just had my last class for Integrity for life so I'm now free after 3 on Tuesdays!!! That makes me so excited.

I'm going to have to start taking adaptive PE which is the weight room on Thursday or whatever my instructor says. I'm sad I can't play volleyball. And all of these marathon signs are up all over and I want to run but I can't. Poor me.... but life is still SO good. Despite everything that could be wrong or a burden.

You know that's the thing... we can either make the best of our situation or we can see the negatives of it. When some people freak out about things taking a long time I just say don't worry about it. I've learned that some things in life don't need to be rushed and some things just aren't a big deal. Life is good.

Jessica